Last month, Ken received a text message from his ex-wife, Sheryl. When he saw it, he was initially grossed out and then disturbed. The message stated, "Good morning lover of body. Sure can't wait to feel your lips, your body and hands all over mine." Well, it's rather difficult for her to keep saying she never has premarital relations when that's a text message she sends to someone. Ken was driving his youngest son, Brian, to school when he received the message, so he casually asks Brian who his mom is dating. At the time, Brian answered she was seeing no one. After reading the text message, Brian admits that she's been talking to some guy in Texas.
So, Ken started texting back to find out what was going on. Sheryl was initially embarrassed that her text went to the wrong person, but then everything else became evident: Sheryl found a new man was trying to keep the relationship a secret so Ken wouldn't "make trouble" for her with the boys and in Court. During the Christmas dinner we hosted with Sheryl, I tried to get more information, but she stood by the fact that this was her soul-mate and she "deserved to find happiness."
My questions to her at that time was that she has a tenured teaching position meaning that she cannot be fired from her job short of committing a felony. She owns her house free and clear because of her father, and then she's planning to dump Justin and leave him here and drag Brian off to Texas to be with her all because she 'deserves to find happiness' and I even reminded her about the boys' ability for the Cal-Vet tuition free college education. None of that sank in. I even tried to explain our concern for the boys because of her last marriage which was a wreck. She said that it didn't really ever exist now and they had to move forward - not look at the past.
Sheryl went to Texas to be with this man, Russell Lockhart, and when she returned, she was now apparently engaged and is planning to move in June.
Ken has spent most of this week trying to reason with her. Obviously, if Sheryl moves to Texas, that makes life a bit easier on us - we never have to see her again unless she shows up to her sons' activities here, etc. However, Ken pulled the Cal-Vet and UC/Cal State residency requirements which shows that 1) I was correct in my statements and 2) the boys can lose their free college tuition until they're 24 if she moves. Sheryl demanded to be "primary parent" when she needed the child support money, and we tried to explain to her 2 1/2 years ago that the boys' future depended on her decisions for their college. Well, Ken finally had to tell Sean and Justin what was going on because she refused to listen, and then she spent all yesterday fighting and arguing with them and then Ken. Justin complained that her entire argument to Sean on the matter was, "Well, don't I deserve happiness??" Well, as a mom, um, NO! She can find happiness when it doesn't strip the boys of their educations! Ken and I have never saved for the boys' college because it was paid for. We know that Sheryl will NEVER put her sons' financial needs above her own and pay anything towards it. The best Ken could get out of Sheryl, finally, was that she would stay until Brian graduates in two years, but "not a day more." Ironically, the boyfriend has two children and he won't leave Texas because their mother won't let them move, but her sons just have to do without.
I have to say, my all-time favorite moment was when she screamed at Ken, "Well, other kids have to make due, so I guess our sons will just have to join the ranks and take out student loans!"
Holy F***ing Crap! That's her response to her son's futures! I spent most of this week trying to re-figure out my educational plans since both parents have to be California residents. I had told Ken that I was resigned to the fact that I would stay in California if it meant his sons would get their free college tuition. Keep in mind that my girls do not get this benefit because Ken is unable to adopt them because of their father. Unless the children are the natural or adopted children, they do not qualify for this. So, in considering all of the information, and that I was willing to sacrifice for his sons, you can imagine my anger at her refusal and selfishness when she kept stating that she would NOT stay until they were each 24 years-old or have their Bachelor's degrees because her happiness is more important.
Sheryl made some seriously rude comments about me and my daughters throughout these conversations with Ken and I am sad to admit that at one point she got to me. She called Ken and our home "immoral" which set me off! She has constantly told the boys that because Ken and I lived together before we were married that we were immoral, etc., but that she had never done anything like that. Um, Sean was born out of wedlock, she was pregnant with Justin before she and Ken were married, and then there's the many affairs she had while married to Ken and the subsequent men after the divorce. No, she's not immoral by her own standards....F**K! I started shouting and spouting off this crap and she heard me. She finally backtracked and said that everyone on Earth is immoral, but she's forgiven. Holy crap Lady!
What made this worse, is that Sean just isn't realizing that this is his future she is looking to screw over. I understand each of the boys is only concerned with themselves, but when Ken told Sean about her statement that they can "join the ranks," Sean reverted to his, "I didn't hear her say that so I'm not going to take sides." What the hell?? Take sides in WHAT?? This is between him and his mother; not an argument between his parents. He can look at the documentation that Ken sent and make his own decision, but God forbid these boys take a stand against their mother and do what they need to for themselves.
By the end of the night, I was a mess. Here I was killing myself trying to rethink my own future on behalf of these boys who still don't give a shit about me or even themselves. I started kicking my own ass for being so stupid. I lament their futures and their choices. They are stuck in a bad path because of their mother. Sadly, I remember these feelings and problems in dealing with my own parental unit, but here I was trying to help and it was for nothing.
As a side-note, Ken spoke with Sean this morning and we learned that the new guy, Russell, told Sheryl that she needed to stay in California if it means her boys go to school tuition free. Kudos to him!!!
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