Winter is Here

Winter finally decided to join us. We weren't totally prepared for it like we should have been, but then, it is mid-December and we were still enjoying summer temperatures. We have had a couple really good rain storms, and I'm getting an ice warning from my car each morning. The girls were hoping for snow, and we did get close but it just didn't happen.  

On Friday, December 14th, I actually went to the range with Ken after getting my hair trimmed, but the weather was so bad that we didn't shoot very much. He spent most of his time at the indoor range because of the cold, but he wanted me to shoot his new AR as well. 

Ironically and sadly, at the same time we were at the Gun Club there was a shooting at an elementary school in Connecticut. The entire U.S. has gone insane again about gun control, and no one wants to look at the mental illness problem in this country or that blaming the pistol that was used is like blaming the car for the drunk driver. This shooting killed 27 people and 20 of those were small children. Now, we are being faced with new gun laws, political description of what "evil" looks like, etc. It's ridiculous to me that so many are happy to give up their rights and be subjected to government control, but hopefully, these new laws will not go into effect. I'm so sad for the families, and I cannot imagine the grief of losing my children. The entire Nation is mourning the loss of these people right now

The Hobbit opened in theaters last week, so we took the girls to see the movie for our Friday Night Family Night. They loved going to supper first and then to the show. It is obvious to them that they can't stay up late because towards the end of the movie, they were complaining about being tired. 

This is Amanda's face when she saw the sundaes. 

Ken was supposed to be gone all this week, but fate allowed me to keep him at home. It's not that I don't want him to go out and have fun, but I really hate not having him around. Plus, it allowed me some time with our eldest son as well which was really cool!

Ken was supposed to take off early Monday morning for an overnight hike with Sean and Justin. Unfortunately, the weather went totally winter, and there was no way that Ken wanted to be camping in 10* weather with rain forecasted. So, Sean decided to spend the couple of days at our house since he had them off work anyway. My favorite part was that Sean wanted me to actually go with him and Ken to lunch on Monday AND he wanted a picture with all three of us. I know, I'm a sap, but it's the little things that make a difference, right? After going through the phase with these boys about how I'm NOT their mother, and all that crap, it's a great feeling.

Lunch was sushi for the men and Chicken teriaki for me along with a lot of laughing and talking. It's the time together that makes it the most fun for me.

Jordan had her Christmas performance at school on Tuesday. Ken and I were thrilled that it was our only school event to deal with. I don't mind celebrating my children, but I do hate fighting with the other parents to do it.  What a difference there has been in Jordan though!! She is behaving in school which is such a relief! I hated visiting her principal so much, and you could tell that she has been finding her centre during this performance. She was not acting out, but she was full of her acting and drama during the performance. Jordan was the only child who used acting for each and every song. You could tell that Jordan was "in to" her performance.

 Mandy loved hanging out with Samara before the show.

There just aren't words to describe Justin's face!

 I loved watching Jordan perform and then getting a picture of the kids all together!

For my last official day of work, I chose to have a "Team Building" meeting with my counterpart, Jen Hubbard. We met at Victoria Gardens, got pedicures and then lunch. She had some Christmas shopping to do, so I tagged along with her while she finished it up.  Sadly, I'm a complete dork and failed to take ANY pictures of us together. 

We had a great time catching up with each other's lives and we did talk about work a little bit so we could justify the work time. Ha!! After she had to get going, I ran the errands that needed to be done in a more civilized location - they have stores we just don't including Trader Joe's. God, I would LOVE to get a Trader Joe's by us!! 

As I was waiting out the traffic and the nasty weather, I got a text message from Gary Stiles (Old Costa friend) who was actually thinking he could meet with me. Ken was cool with it, so I hung around a little longer and met Gary for a drink. 

Yesterday, I enjoyed doing the last of the work stuff that HAD to be done before the Break and then shutting down my computer. Oh what a relief that is!! My boss was able to convince the higher-ups that we needed another full time Transition Specialist and we got one!! It's going to be crazy when we return with all of the staff changes and incoming students and then I'll have training a newbie on top of it, but I'm hoping that it will all work out well. I'm also looking forward to taking some of the load from Jen's and my shoulders and actually breathing during this next semester.

Last night, we watched a movie since it was the girls' last day of school for the year as well. I purchased the new Tinkerbell movie, and they loved it! Jordan's reaction was typical after the movie - she sang and danced with the ending song which always entertains us. This time, I managed to be ready with the camera because Addie got involved.

Now, it's time to seriously prepare for Christmas!! I've also got to mentally prepare myself for Ken's youngest who actually wants to join us for the two week break but left here hating me. Oh the fun!!

Justin Graduates

Today was insane for Ken and me so we could be sure that we had everything in order so we could attend Justin's high school graduation ceremony. 


The ceremony was a typical high school graduation, but there were 8 co-Valedictorians so there were many speeches and I was bored out of my mind.  The girls were glad to be invited by Justin, but after a while, even they couldn't keep interested.  I didn't take my large camera, so we had no idea where Justin was sitting which left us surprised when his name was called.


After the ceremony, it took us a while to find him and his mother's family on the field.  Ken was touched that Justin seemed honestly happy to see him.  I was able to get a few good pictures, but the first one is my favorite.

 Justin found Ken's "normal" goofy picture beyond goofy, but he tolerated it for his dad.

We left shortly after we said hello to Justin. His mother had invited us to the after-party at her house just yesterday, so we got the girls home since they had school the next morning, and then we went to her house.  It was the first time I had ever been inside, and it was definitely weird.  Not so much the house as the people.  Justin was very glad that we were there, and we were able to chat and joke with him and his brothers.  Sheryl, Justin's mom, was weirdly sentimental and took pictures of me and Ken together and then with Justin.  This is not her normal behavior, and I'm still wondering about her motive.  Hopefully, I'll see those pictures posted at some point so I can steal them.


Now, I never offered my congratulations to Justin.  I could not bring myself to do it. I hugged him, and I was surprised by how clingy he was this night.  He has avoided Ken and me for the last three years because he didn't like our rules and his mother let him do whatever he wanted.  The child only graduated because the school literally gave him 25 credits to meet the requirements, and even with the gift of those units and decent grades, his GPA was only at 1.94.  This is not something I can be proud of.  I tried very hard to keep my opinion to myself so I wouldn't take away from Ken celebrating his son. Ken and I discussed it at length during the day, and he was disappointed as well, but he did point out that Justin did exactly what was expected of him by his mother and the school - nothing. 


I felt bad taking away Justin's "moment" with the girls as well, but I did NOT want them to think this was acceptable, and they know full-well that it will not be tolerated by me when they get to high school.  Taylor only has a couple more years before she's there, and Mandy is right behind her.  They understood the difference of celebrating Family and celebrating Accomplishment.  Sadly, there was no accomplishment for Justin. He did the bare minimum to get through, but now he is ill-prepared for the rest of his life.  We will just have to see what happens and see if he can become successful like many who hated K-12.

Serious Vent....

Last month, Ken received a text message from his ex-wife, Sheryl.  When he saw it, he was initially grossed out and then disturbed.  The message stated, "Good morning lover of body.  Sure can't wait to feel your lips, your body and hands all over mine."  Well, it's rather difficult for her to keep saying she never has premarital relations when that's a text message she sends to someone.  Ken was driving his youngest son, Brian, to school when he received the message, so he casually asks Brian who his mom is dating.  At the time, Brian answered she was seeing no one.  After reading the text message, Brian admits that she's been talking to some guy in Texas.  


So, Ken started texting back to find out what was going on.  Sheryl was initially embarrassed that her text went to the wrong person, but then everything else became evident:  Sheryl found a new man was trying to keep the relationship a secret so Ken wouldn't "make trouble" for her with the boys and in Court.  During the Christmas dinner we hosted with Sheryl, I tried to get more information, but she stood by the fact that this was her soul-mate and she "deserved to find happiness."   


My questions to her at that time was that she has a tenured teaching position meaning that she cannot be fired from her job short of committing a felony.  She owns her house free and clear because of her father, and then she's planning to dump Justin and leave him here and drag Brian off to Texas to be with her all because she 'deserves to find happiness' and I even reminded her about the boys' ability for the Cal-Vet tuition free college education. None of that sank in.  I even tried to explain our concern for the boys because of her last marriage which was a wreck.  She said that it didn't really ever exist now and they had to move forward - not look at the past.


Sheryl went to Texas to be with this man, Russell Lockhart, and when she returned, she was now apparently engaged and is planning to move in June.  


Ken has spent most of this week trying to reason with her.  Obviously, if Sheryl moves to Texas, that makes life a bit easier on us - we never have to see her again unless she shows up to her sons' activities here, etc.  However, Ken pulled the Cal-Vet and UC/Cal State residency requirements which shows that 1) I was correct in my statements and 2) the boys can lose their free college tuition until they're 24 if she moves.  Sheryl demanded to be "primary parent" when she needed the child support money, and we tried to explain to her 2 1/2 years ago that the boys' future depended on her decisions for their college.  Well, Ken finally had to tell Sean and Justin what was going on because she refused to listen, and then she spent all yesterday fighting and arguing with them and then Ken.  Justin complained that her entire argument to Sean on the matter was, "Well, don't I deserve happiness??"  Well, as a mom, um, NO!  She can find happiness when it doesn't strip the boys of their educations!  Ken and I have never saved for the boys' college because it was paid for.  We know that Sheryl will NEVER put her sons' financial needs above her own and pay anything towards it.  The best Ken could get out of Sheryl, finally, was that she would stay until Brian graduates in two years, but "not a day more."  Ironically, the boyfriend has two children and he won't leave Texas because their mother won't let them move, but her sons just have to do without.  


I have to say, my all-time favorite moment was when she screamed at Ken, "Well, other kids have to make due, so I guess our sons will just have to join the ranks and take out student loans!" 


Holy F***ing Crap!  That's her response to her son's futures!  I spent most of this week trying to re-figure out my educational plans since both parents have to be California residents.  I had told Ken that I was resigned to the fact that I would stay in California if it meant his sons would get their free college tuition.  Keep in mind that my girls do not get this benefit because Ken is unable to adopt them because of their father.  Unless the children are the natural or adopted children, they do not qualify for this.  So, in considering all of the information, and that I was willing to sacrifice for his sons, you can imagine my anger at her refusal and selfishness when she kept stating that she would NOT stay until they were each 24 years-old or have their Bachelor's degrees because her happiness is more important.


Sheryl made some seriously rude comments about me and my daughters throughout these conversations with Ken and I am sad to admit that at one point she got to me.  She called Ken and our home "immoral" which set me off!  She has constantly told the boys that because Ken and I lived together before we were married that we were immoral, etc., but that she had never done anything like that.  Um, Sean was born out of wedlock, she was pregnant with Justin before she and Ken were married, and then there's the many affairs she had while married to Ken and the subsequent men after the divorce.  No, she's not immoral by her own standards....F**K!  I started shouting and spouting off this crap and she heard me.  She finally backtracked and said that everyone on Earth is immoral, but she's forgiven.  Holy crap Lady!


What made this worse, is that Sean just isn't realizing that this is his future she is looking to screw over. I understand each of the boys is only concerned with themselves, but when Ken told Sean about her statement that they can "join the ranks," Sean reverted to his, "I didn't hear her say that so I'm not going to take sides."  What the hell??  Take sides in WHAT??  This is between him and his mother; not an argument between his parents.  He can look at the documentation that Ken sent and make his own decision, but God forbid these boys take a stand against their mother and do what they need to for themselves.  


By the end of the night, I was a mess.  Here I was killing myself trying to rethink my own future on behalf of these boys who still don't give a shit about me or even themselves.  I started kicking my own ass for being so stupid.  I lament their futures and their choices.  They are stuck in a bad path because of their mother.  Sadly, I remember these feelings and problems in dealing with my own parental unit, but here I was trying to help and it was for nothing.






As a side-note, Ken spoke with Sean this morning and we learned that the new guy, Russell, told Sheryl that she needed to stay in California if it means her boys go to school tuition free.  Kudos to him!!!

Jury Duty

You can imagine my happiness at receiving my notice in the mail for jury duty.  Oh yeah!  What excitement was going to be in store for me??  I punched in the phone number and asked for an extension because the original date was during my Winter Break, and I had absolutely NO intention of spending any of my time off in the Courthouse more than I already had to do to because of the Family Court matters.  


So, I get a postcard in the mail last month with my new court date - yeah, two weeks after the original.  So much for a 3 month extension.


I have been having a hell of a time at work lately, so I figured the day doing something else would be a good change.  My stitching supplies were checked at the door, and I had to return them to the car because of the small scissors and the stitch puller.  Holy crap!  I was able to take these items on a plane but not the courthouse??  Thank God I had my iPad as well. 


My panel was the last one in there.  The first panel was dismissed because their case came to a settlement agreement - lucky bastards!  The other panel was called into the courtroom by 10 am.  We, however, got to sit there and sit there and sit there.  Normally, I would not complain that I was sitting and reading, but the chairs were horrible, and I was truly in need of more coffee and not able to get it.


At 11:45, we were notified that our panel was being released for lunch but asked to return at 1330.  Ugh!  Again, I don't mind spending a day reading a book, but those chairs were so very uncomfortable!  Luckily, I had texted with Ken, and he was already on his way to pick me up and go to lunch together.  I would have met him for lunch, but I actually had a supreme parking location and did not want to lose it.


Ken and I went to the local Coco's for lunch, and we enjoyed catching up with one another.  We have totally been spoiled over the last two years with me working at home, and suddenly I was spending an entire day away.  That just wasn't going well for me or with Ken for that matter.  During our lunch and discussion, I absently reached for the ketchup.  When I looked at the bottle, I was amazed by what I saw.

I made Ken take a moment to look at it, and even he stopped.  We both thought it was great that Heinz had take the time to write those labels.  It's just ketchup, but what a great message.  


I hated having to go back to the Jury Room especially since it meant leaving Ken.  Of course, by this point, I would have completely preferred to be at home reading than in the jury room.


At 2pm, my panel was finally called to the courtroom.  It was for a criminal trial, so my curiosity was piqued.  The judge apologized for the delay and then went on and on about how necessary jurors are in this great system and thank you for patiently waiting, etc.  

OK, so the jury I was being selected for was for a gun charge, specifically, Criminal charge of possession of a firearm in a vehicle. I had many questions because if the pistol was unloaded then it was only a misdemeanor and then there's all the questions that follow that, how was it being transported, etc. But, I wasn't there to ask the questions. 

On a side-note, I am telling EVERYONE I know to NEVER have to go to trial in the High Desert. Out of the 46 people on this panel, I was the only one with a Master's Degree, there was one working on his Master's, 5 with a Bachelor's, a couple trade degrees, a couple Associate's degrees but 23 of them had not graduated from high school. Yeah, there's NO way to get a jury of our peers here.

So, I'm on the second set of people interviewed, so I hear the questions from the judge and both attorneys. When I sit down for my turn, I answered I had lived here for 10 years, I have a Master's Degree, Husband of 3 years is retired, blah, blah, blah. Judge asks if we have friends/family who are cops - yes, 3 in SB alone, family and friends elsewhere. OK, do we have any membership affiliations with guns one way or the other? Yes, I'm a lifetime NRA Member and an active member at the Apple Valley Gun Club. I'm the ONLY one out of 46 who had any affiliation either way. 

The Defense attorney has NO questions for me. I know and he knows that he wants me on this jury. The Prosecutor was going to test and see if I was impartial. "So, Ms. Koehler, you have a Master's Degree but you're also part of the NRA. I can tell you're educated and study so I'm perplexed. What would have you supporting gun rights?" I answered, "Well, I enjoy the sport of shooting and have done so since my youth, and I enjoy the right to protect myself, and with so many wanting to remove my right, I have no choice but to align with a group that will protect that right even to extreme." 

The Prosecutor thought that was a well thought out answer. Then he asked me, "But, you have to agree that laws are put into place to keep us safe, and even if you don't agree with those laws, then you still have to follow them and write your congressman or someone to change the laws, right." I smiled, "Yes, whether or not I agree with the law or feel that it's asinine is not the point. As a responsible adult, member of the community and gun owner, I follow the laws of my Town, County, Stated and Nation. That's how it's supposed to work."

He went on to others for a while, and then came back at me. "Again, Ms. Koehler, I just wanted to be sure that even if you cannot agree with a gun law, you still feel and understand that you still have to follow them." At this point, he's testing me, so I tested right back, "Yes sir, but now I wonder if you're speaking of California Gun Laws or Federal Gun Laws." He asks, "Well, what's the difference?" I responded, "Um, do you imply that you do not know the difference between the two sets of gun laws or that we should follow the laws no matter if they're State or Federal?" 

The Prosecutor falters for a moment, regains his smile, and states, "I can see why you were confused. No, I meant that I did not understand why you would ask about the difference between State and Federal gun laws." To which I replied, "Well, seeing as you're prosecuting a gun charge, I would seriously hope that YOU would know the difference."

The other jurors giggled, as did the judge. The Bailiff was sitting forward listening now rather than paperwork as were both of the clerks. The Prosecutor was not happy. "Please, Ms. Koehler, enlighten me with even just ONE example." The Bastard was not even 6 inches away from me leaning on the table. 

So, I took the gauntlet and ran because I still haven't learned to use the sensor button on my mouth yet.

"Well, you are familiar with the Brady Bill, correct?"

He answers, "Yes, that's for the Waiting Period to purchase guns."

"Yes, that's correct. Mr. Prosecutor, what IS the waiting period to but a gun - you should know since you said you own some.:

"It's 10 days."

"Yes, that is correct in California, but not under the Brady Bill."

The Prosecutor chuckles to himself, and if the man could have patted me on my head, I'm sure he would have.

"Oh, Ms. Koehler, EVERYONE knows that the waiting period is 10 days. You're mistaken."

"And this is why I'm concerned you're the one prosecuting a gun charge. I can say it's a good thing you're familiar with CA laws and he was arrested in CA, but the Brady Bill does not state 10 days. Mr. Brady was in the employment of the United States and was attached to the president. Unfortunately, a man who was previously convicted for a felony and prohibited under our laws from even touching a firearm managed to somehow GET a firearm and attempted to shoot the President which also hit Mr. Brady. While it is sad and tragic, it shows that if someone wants to get a gun badly enough they can. However, Mr. Brady's life experience caused him to make it difficult for law-abiding citizens to get a firearm, so there's the background checks and Waiting Period. However, the Brady Bill only calls for 3 days for each firearm. California was the one who said, 'I'll see your 3 and raise you 7" so we have a 10 day waiting period. Now, it's the law-abiding citizens who have a waiting period, not the criminals mind you, but this is your one example of how the Federal Law is different than the State."

The lady next to me who was saying she hated guns, had never held or seen one, and was afraid of guns, went, "Hmmmm. I never thought about it all like this before." And that's when I knew I would be gone. I knew the DA was going to make a case on bias against guns with the first series of people he kept.

I was the 2nd person excused by the DA on that round with his "thanks."  Sadly, I wasn't dismissed until 4:45 pm.  What a waste of a day. Of course, I did get through most of an entire new book, so that was good.  

By the time I got home, Justin had actually come over.  What a major surprise. That child hasn't been in our house more than 4 times in the last 12 months.  I was amazed he actually showed up.  Ken had spent time discussing things with him regarding gun physics, and whatever.  I started asking him about his plans when his mom leaves for her "happiness."  I probably should have waited and let him settle in with me, but I had a feeling I knew what his plans were, and he just didn't have time.

Sadly, I was again right - Justin is planning to get "emancipated" and then stay here and live in his mother's house.  Holy shit!  I started explaining to him the difference between an "Emancipated Minor" and an adult.  He was not aware that even if he manages to convince a judge to emancipate him, he still can't vote, buy his cigarettes, etc.  He won't be an adult.  He and his mother hadn't thought about that.  I made sure he knew that his mother would still be collecting child support money for him while she's away and he's left to survive on his own to which he became upset.  He didn't know she was still going to get money for him, and yet he was facing paying utilities, homeowners insurance, bus fare, go to college all while not being able to find a job.  Then Ken and I made sure that Justin understood that the GI Bill money comes AFTER he completes school - not before. Justin thought he would have money as soon as he starts school and because alarmed to find out that he wouldn't.  Then we asked what he was going to do when he didn't receive GI money during his Breaks.  

Justin started to panic - as well he should. I did my best to explain to him that even if he hadn't screwed up his life, there was no way for him to be prepared for all of this at this stage in his life.  I asked if his mom was going to pay off the utilities or would he have a balance, was she going to ensure he had food, etc. and he said that he didn't know and it was supposed to be up to him to take care of everything - including his grandmother.  Justin does not realize how much help his grandmother needs and there will not be any way to attend school, work, hang out with friends if he is listed as her caregiver.  He was also not aware of this.  

Unfortunately for him, Justin left last night with more questions than he knew how to answer and in total fear of his future.  I reminded him that his mother has sole physical custody and until he's 18, her residency affects his.  He wanted to argue, so I told him to look it up on his own.  

Sheryl's unending selfishness never ceases to amaze me.  I have asked her to inform me if she plans to move to Texas to be with the new Love of Her Life so I can make informed decisions about Law School for her boys if necessary, but she tells me it's none of my business about her personal life, and she has it all figured out - she'll keep Brian with her and then send him back to us just before graduation.  Funny!  I tried to ask her how she was going to do that if we moved for me to attend Law School and I got, "Oh, I didn't think about that."  Then I reminded HER that Cal-Vet doesn't guarantee if residency is interrupted because of the custodial parents who are fucking with the Veteran and then returning the children to gain the benefits.  I told her that the Veteran's Administration has caught on to this little trick and they don't like it.  Hopefully, she'll let us know what to expect by the end of the week as promised, but I've made Sean, Justin and Brian at least think about things so they can make informed decisions.  

It was a crazy day!!  I was so glad to crawl into bed and fall into complete exhausted sleep.

The boys

It's been a very nice change to have Sean and Brian spending time with us.  Brian still does not enjoy having any discussions with me, but I'm determined that he will realize he can't bury his head and refuse to deal with issues or topics that bother him - especially after the crap I took from him after Ken and I were married.


Ken loves having his sons around, and the girls love their brothers.  I totally enjoy things, but I also spend time being analytical and just watching the relationships evolve.  I truly hope that things continue to progress so well for their sake.  Ken's cancer has seemingly stopped growing, but there is so much uncertainty.  I always fear the boys will go through so much turmoil for losing so much time with him.  


Fingers are crossed and prayers are continual......