Menopause & Mammograms

This is typically how I am - what I say, how I deal with life, etc.  However, in the last 6 months or so, my ability to deal with anything has seriously deteriorated.  This is problematic for many reasons.  I have a constant headache which is at times debilitating, my blood pressure is rising, and much to my horror, there are times when I just want to rip the faces off of my loved ones. Talk about seriously concerning!!

In speaking with my doctor, apparently it is totally normal for me to want to smack the shit out of everyone around me. She wasn't concerned about depression since I still love my hobbies, want to travel, be with friends, etc. She was more concerned about the fact that I admitted that I was complete irrational at times and that I hated feeling this way. So, she said it was time for a mood stabilizer which is perfectly normal for my age. My partial hysterectomy has made it impossible to gauge my progress into menopause, but she said she was willing to wager that I'm at least in the peri-menopausal stage.  We went over the treatment options and made a decision we're both happy with.

The weight issue is also apparently not a concern. It's stable, and while it's higher than I should have for my height and body type, it also goes with menopause.  Great! Keep up the exercise - increasing it would be better and definitely drink more water each day. Watch my salt intake of course, etc.

Sah-weet! At this time, she's happy with me taking the GNC Menopause supplements especially since it has double the calcium and black cohash. She noticed that I was sweating pretty bad in her office, so she said that was another indicator that I have been suffering for a while.  Neither of us felt that an HRT was necessary at this point, but if the GNC product stops helping with the hot flashes, I'm to let her know and we'll work on some other options.

Yay! I'm not going crazy!!

I hate not being in control, but not being in control with my body and mind has been weighing on me.  Talk about royal pain!  

Another great piece of information from my doctor today - no more pelvic exams! Whoo-hoo!!! Since all of the parts were removed, and I have the "same partner," there is no need for me to have any more.  

The bad news - I am now 40, and so begins the annual mammogram. Oh shit! No drink beforehand...nothing! Just walk over to the radiology department and have it done right now. While I love the VA for not having to wait for tests, that is one test I would have liked to wait on. Of course, I was the one who brought it up since I'm doing my best to stay healthy.

So, I went over the Radiology department, and after only a 20 minute wait, I was treated as a walk-in, and now my boobs have been flattened more than what my kids did to them. Seriously - there is not a better way to do this after all of the medical break-throughs in the last 20 years?! I'm sure if men had to go through it, there would be a better way, but hey, it's just us women. E-gads! I survived, but I may have to get a tube and some helium to reinflate these poor things.

The VA will mail my new meds to me, and I hope that things will improve quickly. Yay!

Driving and Cousins!

I had a follow-up appointment with my doctor and am happy to report that I am healing perfectly well (in fact better than expected) and not only am I cleared for light driving, but I am also allowed to get back into the pool and swim again.  My doctor stated that I could increase my walking, but he indicated I may want to avoid any abdominal workouts for right now.  Hmmm, seems like a good idea.


Since we were already in Loma Linda, Ken and I continued our way South and headed into San Diego to meet his cousin who was here on business from Colorado.  Ken and Robb hadn't seen each other in YEARS, so it was a great time for all.  Robb had a couple of his co-workers with him, Rocky and Libby, and the 5 of us had a blast.  


I adore Ken's family - there's no doubt.  Each time I meet a new Koehler, I am amazed at how awesome each of them are.  There is also no doubt that they are all crazy which works for me as well.  :)

Ken, Kasey, Rocky, Libby and Robb

Ken is always able to get women to take pictures with us.  Ken got our waitress, Stephanie, to join us

I made them pose as though the liked each other!

Thank you, Ken, for doing all of the driving.  Here's to hoping that Robb gets back out here soon and he brings Jessica with him!  Otherwise, it's Colorado in 2011!

Continued Post-op

It has now been over a week since my surgery.  I have been taking it very easy around the house.  Ken has been amazing and has waited on me hand and foot to make sure that I don't tear any stitches.  I have been taking small walks around the house every hour until I'm exhausted.   I have been reading everything I can get my hands on, watching a ton of television and playing on the computer a lot.   


Thank you to everyone for your prayers and good wishes.  I am hoping to be completely back into my regular groove soon.

Really Great Find!

I love that there is a support group for everything, and I found a great one since I have so many questions after having a hysterectomy.  The fact that there is a ton of humor in there makes it even better.  Of course, laughing after surgery is painful, but it has been helping.  I have noticed that the major difference between having a C-Section and a hysterectomy is that people come to see you after the C-section because of the cute baby.  After a hysterectomy, you just had major surgery, so people stay away.  It's the same idea, just a different result.  Weird!


My favorite find was this article:

HysterSisters Hysterectomy Support Resources - http://www.hystersisters.com

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Article: Fifteen Things We Have Learned After Hysterectomy
Do you have a list of the "Top Things" helpful for my recovery that you can share with me?

This is a compilation of "discoveries" gleaned from multiple threads on these subjects. Consider it a sort of "digest" of ideas you may find useful in your own recovery.

Dealing with pain:

Keep a pencil and paper next to your pain meds and always write down the times you take them. Foggy memories can lead to mistakes.

All narcotics are constipating, and can give you weird dreams.

If you have spinal anesthesia and start having severe headaches (even if they are not postural), make sure to mention that it could be a "post dura puncture headache". These can be cured by replenishing some of the spinal fluid. Don't suffer for a week, like some have!

Gas pains; and "movement" of a different kind

Don't drink carbonated drinks for a day or two after surgery. They tend to contribute to a gassy stomach. Actually, if you can give them up for good, your bones will thank you, as sodas leach calcium from your bones.

If your medicine makes you sick, call your doctor. S/he can prescribe something different for you to try. And remind your doctor if you're allergic to codeine, so a pain reliever related to the codeine family isn't prescribed.

Ketchup a week after surgery isn't a good thing for your tummy. Especially with fish sticks.

Never, ever mix your Metamucil with prune juice unless you have no other plans for the rest of the day.

Don't allow yourself to get constipated!!!

Keep taking those stool softeners even after your first good BM, as your intestines may still not be in proper working order.

The Dreaded "Swelly Belly" and your incision

Swelly belly is not so bad - it keeps you from seeing the scale.

If you have a cat or dog, keep a pillow on your tummy at all times, especially when you're sleeping on your back. They don't realize that stepping on "mom" will send her into shock. Cats can make great tummy pillows -- but only if you clip their claws first.

Don't fool yourself into thinking that you will be able to wear the same clothes you wore before surgery (at least comfortably). The combination of the incision pain and swelly belly makes it nearly impossible.

If you take antihistamines, stick with them when you get home. Hayfever is unbelievably miserable with an abdominal incision.

Getting the staples out doesn't hurt much--and your insides really don't fall out when you get up after they do it.

Don't have a "last period" party and ceremoniously throw away all your remaining pads. A stubborn little blood vessel and a slow-healing inside incision can make for a final long "period".

If you have a baby, or small child, ALWAYS HOLD BABY on top of a pillow. If he accidentally kicks his little foot into the incision... BOY DOES THAT HURT! Have a pillow over your tummy to make sure the "wiggles" don't hit your incision.

Watch those big kid hugs when you are lying down in your bed. All it takes is one carelessly flung hand to send you through the roof.

Steri-strips hold things together pretty well for something that looks that flimsy.

If you freeze a bottle of water & slip it into a long thin sock, it feels good to roll on your stomach when you have a hot flash. A hot water bottle, filled with ice and cold water, is also really good on the tummy. These work like a soft pillow, "de-sweller" and pain killer.

Comedy shows like "Whose Line is it Anyway" , "Designing Women", "Golden Girls" or whatever your personal favorite, need to be viewed no matter how bad your tummy hurts. Clutch a pillow while watching, or have a hand ready to support your belly. Laughter is good for the depressed and lonely soul.

Watch Those Body Mechanics

Believe the doctor when they say do not pick things up. Don't pick up anything heavier than a frying pan and don't pick that up for 6 weeks. Ignore this advice at your own risk!

Don't move heavy items with your legs or lower body because that's just as bad as lifting. Don't think pushing the furniture is OK, just because it's not "lifting"!

Look to be sure the toilet seat is in the "down" position before sitting

Don't sit at the computer for very long. Your "backend" starts to hurt and burn!.

Also, resting means in a reclined position, not just sitting. Sitting can actually hurt more than standing.

If you drive a SUV it really is painful trying to get in and out of the drivers seat. Same goes for low-slung sports cars.

Twisting quickly the wrong way can hurt too. No ping pong or badminton.

Watch that first stretch in the morning, the one you always do before you're really awake. Those first few weeks, it's a killer.

Boredom

Don't fool yourself into thinking that you'll never get bored with "Lifetime for Women" movies.

Being bored is far better than being in pain

All of the Australian ladies are on Hyster Sisters at 4 a.m., so when you have insomnia, you'll at least have someone to chat with.

Bob Barker is totally grey!!

When you get bored... have DH move the family room furniture around. The next day you won't like it and he can put it back.

Blockbuster is doing free movie deals for the summer.

Fight your children for the good TV with the DVD player, and DON'T BUDGE!

Housework, or, Revenge of the Dust Bunnies

Housework which seemed important before surgery is suddenly not as important as resting and following doctor's orders

It doesn't matter if the carpet looks like a ticker-tape parade went through. Repeat after me, "IT DOESN'T MATTER!!!" (And it's not worth hurting yourself to vacuum!)

The kids really do know how to do laundry, vacuum and cut the grass despite what they've told you in the past.

How many times can the family pass the cat puke on the carpet without cleaning it up?

The grabber tool will really help you when you just have to pick up that tissue, paper or anything else off the floor that your family seems to not see. It's a way to clean the living room in five minutes without bending. Chasing the cat with it is also fun.

Clutter expands to fill the available space. That is, the little pile of stuff your kids left in the living room last night that you didn't pick up because you were trying to be a good Princess, will have become a huge mountain that eventually takes over half the house and requires a bulldozer to move. This is the Princess' version of that old Physics 101 rule, The Entropy of the Universe is Always Increasing. Corollary: No one in the house will notice this but you.

Children do not need daily baths, especially if they're swimming. Every other day (or less) is probably enough. And they'll love you more for not fighting with them about it!

Shopping

Just because you feel good doesn't mean you can actually go out and push a shopping cart. They have those cute riding carts at most stores that can really save your life if you can get over the complete embarrassment of being seen in it. Your kids will be completely jealous that you can handle the curves faster than they can.

WalMart <---Just Say NO! New Princesses should avoid WalMart like the plague!!! There is something like a black hole in that store that will suck you in with its seductive charms, then spit you out in pain with your knees buckling and a cold sweat on your brow! Resist the pull...new sheets, cute sandals, and toilet brushes are just not worth it. If you're not well enough to be at work, you're not well enough to be at WalMart. Besides, if one of those 'falling prices' hits you on the head, you could get amnesia and forget where you parked the car you weren't supposed to be driving yet.

Resist the temptation to get out and go shopping, after all, that's what the Internet is for! Discover the delights of the electronic "mall".

When you congratulate yourself for getting someone to carry the groceries to the car for you, don't undo the effect by bringing them into the house yourself.

If you buy 3 eight-pound bags of cat food (or bird seed, or dog food) in order to not lift 25 lbs, don't congratulate yourself for being "good". If you pick up all three bags at once, you're still lifting 24 lbs!

Chocolate and other major food groups

Chocolate really does make you feel better.

If you watch too many cooking shows on TV, you gain weight just from the power of suggestion. Or maybe it's from the calories being transferred by osmosis through the TV screen.

Chocolate IS one of the major food groups, and a new Princess can knock off a carton of chocolate Heavenly Hash ice cream faster than it can melt in the microwave.

As soon as you can eat at the Castle--have someone bring in REAL food. Might have some nutritional value to it and it might be recognizable too!

If you are a coffee drinker, don't cut it out of your diet pre-op. If you wind up with a terrific headache, see if you can get someone to go out and bring back some REAL coffee.

Family and Friends

When friends and relatives volunteer to help - let them. Better them doing the laundry than you!

Thank all your helpers frequently. They'll be more likely to continue helping you.

Friends who say, "Call me anytime." are never home. EVER!

When your church wants to bring meals for 2 weeks, don't ask if you can pick the cooks, just say"thank you". And mean it.

Grown children who move in with you to help during your recovery don't help much at all. They have their own agenda, so prepare to be left alone - a lot!

Everyone in your household is concerned when you're in the hospital, and only a couple of days after you get home. Then they want to know "what's for dinner?".

No one but you cares if your family has clean underwear.

You may well find out just how spoiled your family really is.

Men go through MENopause too, and they often choose our recovery time in which to do it. Another attempt to make themselves the center of attention?

At the Hospital, and other medical matters

Try to have someone with you at the hospital all the time until you can get out of bed yourself... the nurses are so busy you need the extra hand to go track them down and help be an advocate.

Doctors don't know everything. The best ones will admit this, and ask their colleagues for help when they realize they're in over their heads.
When nurse Nancy decides you need to have an enema AND a suppository because on day 2 they want to "get things moving", do not let her out of your sight; you can't get out of bed by yourself, remember?

Shower time? Make sure you have hot water before you are buck naked. Not a pretty picture.

A bladder can hold a quart and a half. This does not feel good. A catheter really CAN be your friend.

When you're at the hospital, it helps to have someone stay with you who can pull those blasted TED hose down when your big toe keeps popping out that little hole in the end and driving you crazy.

Ask questions! If you don't understand something, ask your doctor. If he/she doesn't give you a satisfactory answer, keep asking. If your doctor doesn't have the time to explain things to you, maybe you need a doctor who does.

Keep a list of everything you want to ask during your appointment & don't be shy about asking anything. They've heard it all, already!

Take someone with you to your doctors' appointments to help you remember everything that you've voiced concerns about (in case you forget something). Doctor's offices can cause one to have temporary memory lapses.

If you are a coffee addict "just say no" to any surgery other than 7:00 am or sooner. The headache from caffeine withdrawal coupled with the stress of the day of surgery can make you more miserable than the surgery!

Getting a mammogram in the first four weeks post op is not a great idea.

Is it hormones, or is it just common sense?

If you have a laptop computer and start having hot flashes while you're using it, they just might be from the heat of the laptop and not from your ovaries being in shock!!

In a Brain Fog moment, before looking all over the house for your sunglasses: check the top of your head first!

If you fly to another country, don't let the customs officials confiscate your HRT.

When traveling, pack a carry on bag that weighs less than 10 pounds; the only things it's really important to have in that bag are an inflatable donut pillow and an extra Vivelle Dot.

Give any HRT change more than just a week before you give up on it.

Insomnia

When you can't sleep at 5 a.m., don't drive the two miles to work (when no one is likely to be around) because then you spend the rest of the day in bed with shooting pain.

It is hard to go to sleep after you've been resting all day. No caffeine after 1:00 unless you really like watching Nick at Nite.

It is possible to exist on 2 hours of sleep a day for a month. Not recommended, but possible.

Talk to the neighbors that allow their annoying dog to bark at all hours of the day before you go to the castle. You need to rest when your body lets you during recovery--not necessarily when the dog decides to take a nap.

If you can't sleep, go outside. The stars are at their brightest, and are very beautiful at 4 am on a clear night.

Back so soon?

If you go back to work too early, it's very hard to convince your boss and coworkers that you came back too early and need to go home. It's better to take the full time and recover right the first time, then to have to try to repair the damage that overdoing it can cause.

If you go into work to just pick up your check or get your medical leave forms signed, everyone thinks you are back to work and wants something from you.

Believe everyone on HysterSisters when they tell you that it's a good 6-8 weeks for recovery. Don't allow yourself to believe that you can go shopping at the mall at 2 weeks or rollerblading at 6 weeks. Baby yourself as much as you can the first 2 months.

Don't act too good too soon. Even if you feel good try to look lousy and weak. When you act better you automatically lose everyone's help and sympathy. Make it last because even though you feel better you still need the help. Don't find this out the hard way.

A corollary to the above: stay in your jammies, make-up free, or sweats, as long as you can.

Ten days post-op really is too soon to drive (two hours) a carful of kids to the midstate fair, just because you already paid for the tickets and Alicia Keys is performing. Twelve year olds have an amazing way of convincing you just how tough you can be and how cool you are for letting them stay out till midnight.

HysterSisters and other forms of support

Use HysterSisters to ask any question or use the search function to look up answers. You will gain knowledge at HysterSisters that will empower you.

Talk to others who've gone through the same things you're experiencing. Not only is it a comfort to know that you're not alone, but you can also learn from their mistakes!

Research, research, research. There is a wealth of information out there, much of it reliable.

Don't rush into anything, but don't procrastinate either. If you have fibroids, indulging in doubts about surgery, and postponing, can turn a laparoscopic surgery into a full abdominal approach, since they will use that time to grow.

If you can wait for the surgery, have it in the fall so you don't have to watch reruns on TV.

Why men fear women -- DBF tells me "you gotta be afraid of someone who can bleed for a whole week and still not die".

Nurturing the Spirit

One of the most important things to learn is that it's not all so bad.

Take advantage of some wonderful quiet moments to just sit and do nothing at all.

Also take some wonderful moments in quiet time with God.

Notice how amazing the human body is and what it is capable of.

Start a daily gratitude journal. It can truly be soul-saving .

This surgery was never going to make you suddenly 20 pounds lighter and 20 years younger. It may, however, make you feel better about yourself than if those things had actually happened.

A major life-changing event, like this surgery, brings with it a number of lessons, some small, and some large. We share these with you in the hopes that you have a smooth recovery.

This content was written by staff of HysterSisters.com by non-medical professionals based on discussions, resources and input from other patients for the purpose of patient-to-patient support.

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Copyright HysterSisters® 1998-2009 All rights Reserved http://www.hystersisters.com

Sayonara Uterus!

I seriously need to thank my husband, Ken first and foremost.  Without him, there would be no way that I would have gotten incredible medical treatment, nor would I have the amazing support that he gives.  There is no way for me to understand completely what he went through waiting for news of my surgery and having to wait an extra 2 hours over the "outside" time window that we were told.  


Next, thanks to Cyn and Josh for watching the girls for me while I was in the hospital and for a few days afterwards to give me peace of mind.  The girls have had a blast at your house, and it was such a great relief that Ken didn't have to worry about taking care of the girls while he was so worried about me.


Finally, to all of the doctors that I spent so much time and money to see in order to determine what was causing my pain:  KISS MY ASS!  There was one lady who told me that I was just seeking attention, and another anal orifice who said that the pain was imaginary.


Some of my love and affection have gone to Dr. Michael Eby.  He is one of the GYNs on contract with the VA in Loma Linda, and Ken and I have learned that he is simply an amazing human being.  Not only did he believe that I was in pain, but he worked to help find the solution.  When medications were not working, he tried Lupron - an injection that put me into chemical menopause.  After 5 months of no pain whatsoever, he determined that the culprit had to be my uterus, so we scheduled a hysterectomy.  The plan was to only take out the uterus, but if the ovaries were bad, then he would remove those as well. 


As the surgical date got closer, I was very nervous.  I have had surgery before, but I knew that my weight added significant risk to this surgery, and I wasn't sure how things would go.  When I arrived, I was treated so amazing by everyone.  Dr. Eby made sure that I was as comfortable as possible, and I have no memories of anything past the anesthesiologist telling me that she was going to give me my first injection.


The surgery was to last one hour to one and a half hours at the most.  Apparently, my insides were worse than anyone thought, and I learned that I was in surgery for 3 1/2 hours!  Again, I cannot imagine what Ken went through waiting and waiting for news of me.  He was sitting in the waiting room by himself, and my heart aches knowing that he was so stressed out over me.  


Dr. Eby went and found him after surgery and first told him that I was OK, and that I was in recovery, and then he explained what had happened.  I'm still not completely clear on all of the details, but I have learned that there was a massive amount of scar tissue throughout my insides.  Most of my lower internal organs were adhered to one another which was what was causing most of my monthly pain - every time my uterus would contract, it was pulling on every organ and my stomach.  OK, so no wonder I was in pain every month, and the pain was getting worse every month.


In addition to removing all of the scar tissue, Dr. Eby also removed the three scars that I had from my C-sections which only leaves me the one "pretty" scar that he gave me.  He said that in order to do this, he had to stretch my lower stomach a bit, so I've had a really weird tummy tuck. All of the yuck is still there on the upper stomach area, but the lower section looks great.  Haha!


I had to stay in the recovery area for 12 hours until they could secure a bed for me.  Apparently, there are not a lot of women that use the VA, so they had to find a private room for me.  Lucky for me, a woman was discharged, and I was finally able to be moved.  During my time in recovery, Dr. Eby paid me numerous visits to ensure that I was comfortable, and he even got Ken permission to be back there until they moved me.  The first thing I asked about when conscious was "how is Ken?" and Dr. Eby made sure to bring Ken to me as soon as possible.  I cannot begin to describe how amazing it is to have a doctor who listens to you and genuinely care about you.  Talk about being spoiled - amazing and loving husband and amazing and attentive doctor!


The hospital stay was as expected - long and boring with constant questions - how are you feeling?  Are you sleeping (as they wake you up), as well constant badgering about all of your bodily functions.  I love the subtle differences with being at the VA Hospital versus a regular hospital. First was the signs on the door stating that there were female patients in the room - so knock before entering.  I also loved the lower patient to nurse ratio, and that there were tons of people to check on you.  The American Red Cross came by with a toiletry kit my first full day there, and then the Home Hospitalized Veterans lady came by with my craft kit - I got a paint by numbers!  

My most favorite visit was on my final day.  Fred comes by and announces that he's with the Veteran's Support Services.  He asks my roomie (she was closest to the door) if she had her toiletry kit.  My roomie said she didn't have one, but I made sure he heard that I got mine.  Well, I got a second one, and then Fred noticed that neither of us had lap robes.  I had no idea what a "lap robe" was at the time, but I knew I didn't want anything that resembled a blanket - I had just gotten a chat by the lead nurse on my temperature, and she wasn't listening that someone had put a blanket on me causing me to burn up.  Anyway, Fred starts yelling out our door, "Hey Dixie!  We got two ladies in here and they don't have a lap robe."  Now, laughing after your abdomen has been sliced open is not a pleasant or encouraged thing, but listening to these two was hilarious!  Dixie was shocked to learn that we didn't have a lap robe, so she got two of them out, and Fred returned with them.  He informed us that we should be treated better, and he was going to see to it! 


Now, most of you know my aversion to the color pink, so you will completely understand why I kept laughing when I was given this really warm and hand-made gift:

All in all, I made it through this well.  I was happy to know that that there truly was a problem, and I'm so grateful that Dr. Eby was the one to find it and fix it.


For obvious reasons, I'm not posting any of the pictures of my surgery or of the wound itself.  I know I have a strong stomach, but that would be pushing things.  I do have these wonderful pictures that my sensitive and wonderful hubby took of me in the hospital.  My disclaimer is that I was in the hospital for three days without the ability to shower.

I'm trying to make sure that I have everything I need to take a shower.

Talk about being totally pissed when the nurse refused to take out the IV so I could take a shower!

I now have an understanding of what I put my family through with my cameras.  Ken was all too happy to keep taking pictures of me. 

I wasn't letting go of that pillow for ANYTHING!

The drive home wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.  I still had the hospital pillow to hold in my insides on any bumps or turns.  


I have a ton of drugs to get me through this:

There was a stack of instructions to go with all of these bottles well.  Ugh!  Ken's brilliant idea was to watch SNL when we got home.  Not a great idea - laughing and all, but it was fun to finally be home.  I managed to drag myself into bed with the help of Ken and a step-stool.  Apparently, there was more pain involved as this the picture that Ken got of me:

It was SOOOOO nice to sleep in my own bed!!

The bruises are another matter. I have water blisters from tape, and I have no idea why there was tape in the places there are blisters, but I'm having to put up with it.  I kept trying to tell the nurses that my left arm is the best for finding veins and the veins in my right arm are very small.  Apparently, I do not know what I'm talking about, so I was put through this:

Luckily, there is not much bruising or swelling on my right hand, but my feet are another issue.  Holy crap!

For the record, the nurses loved my pretty pedicure while I was in the hospital, but look at the size of my ankles!  This is not normal nor appreciated!  


The really important things is that I made it through the surgery, and that all of the problems were able to be fixed.  I got to keep the ovaries, so I'll be making my own hormones until menopause kicks in.  The girls will be coming home on Tuesday, so I have some time to enjoy getting used to things in quiet.  Day 1 of Home Adventures has gone well, and I'm managing to not do anything.  My "to-do" list for today was #1 - get out of bed and move to the couch so I can sit upright and #2 - take a shower.  I managed to do both of those things today, and I'm happy to allow Ken to take care of me.

8 days and counting

My surgery is in 8 days.  I'm trying really hard NOT to be a nervous wreck about it especially since I also have to go to court again tomorrow against the girls' father.  I've always made the joke that if it weren't for stress, my heart wouldn't work properly, but it's getting to be ridiculous.


So, here's my funny for the day since I always like to find that really funny moment in the midst of life.  I went to complete my pre-op paperwork and testing.  I had the EKG done, and I'm "normal" and then I had my blood work done and the chest X-ray.  I turned in my paperwork to the surgical unit and went on my merry way home.


When I got home, I looked at my copy of the EKG and discovered that apparently, I morphed into a 58-year-old Male. No, I'm serious!  I wasn't aware of the change, but here it is:

Hahahahaha!  I no longer have to worry because it's apparently not me that is going to have surgery.  However, how the hell is the surgeon going to manage to complete a hysterectomy on a man?!?!?!?!

House and Life - Stage 2

Well, Ken got our friend Ted over to the house in order to start the form to get ready to put down concrete.  Ken and Ted went and got the supplies and then Ted started the process.  Ken initially watched (as did DJ), and then there was Ken enjoying a beer while Ted worked.  Haha!  


The form was completed and then the guys rested.  It'll take a few days before everything's ready for the concrete to be poured, but we're getting closer!

The next Stage 2 was received today.  I have been working out 3 times per week, and I'm going to keep trying to get to 5 days per week.  The weight is not dropped off like it should (which my doctor reminded me is normal), and with my constant forgetting to eat, I went ahead with the cost and ordered Nutrisystem.  Friends of mine have been using it, and it has worked well for them.  Thanks Lisa!


So, here's what arrived today:

Let's hope that it works like I want it to!

What a Week!

Monday and Tuesday were rather quiet.  I got some stitching done, spent time with the girls other than getting on them about cleaning their rooms and homework - I mean, actual time with them.   The stitching is going well.  I'm actually getting somewhere:

Then, I spent most of yesterday at the VA in Loma Linda for all of the tests that my doctors ordered.  Again, I have been a little worried, but there seemed to be no reason for a high liver panel, so the doctors wanted to check all the internal organs and be sure.


I started the morning in Ultrasound where I spent a little over an hour having my stomach probed and prodded in order to get the right pictures of everything. I couldn't help but laugh when I kept hearing that I had the "most beautiful internal organs" they have ever seen.  I asked about getting a card or a letter of reference from them but there's apparently never been a request like mine.  


After I got done with Ultrasound, I went around the corner to the CT area.  I was asked about my allergy to shrimp, and when I explained how fast I have reactions, the tech had me wait while she called the doctor.  I apparently could have been pre-medicated to help with the iodine reaction, but since my reaction is so very bad, they decided that I should never have contrast with a CT Scan.  


So, I finished the CT Scan very quickly and then went into a "Focus Group" to help with the new Women's Center that is being established.  It was pretty cool to listen to many of the women veterans that are served there, and they enjoyed having some information from a "spouse."  I don't get all of the benefits at the VA that Veterans get, but I cannot complain about my medical care - it's better than the private insurance treatment that I had forever.


When I was finished with all of my appointments, I went to see the nurse that handles my area.  She pulled the results for me, and I learned that there is "nothing remarkable" about any of my internal organs.  Everything is the way it should be!  


So, that was one major hurdle down.  I have been emailing with one of my doctors, and he said that there is definitely nothing "sinister" causing a bad blood test result, so he's going to see if anything else needs to be done, otherwise, I'll just plan on a new blood test in June, and we'll see what's going on then.  


Ahhhhhhhhhh......some relaxation after so much stressing out.  Then, I managed to keep myself from falling apart all morning in anticipation of today's court hearing.  


After three years (exactly 36 months to the date), I was finally going to have a hearing to "prove" the domestic violence against my ex-husband and work to get permanent orders for child custody, visitation, and support.   Well, while I was getting ready, I got a phone call stating that the judge was cancelling all of the afternoon appointments.


Unbelievable!  So, I went into court in order to set a new date.  Ugh!  He had his certificate showing that he finished his anger management class, so we had to create a new stipulation to allow for the unsupervised visits to start this week.  I can't get child support ordered, but he's getting his visits, so I guess the legal system is working.  Whatever!  


So, I will get back to the family after the virtual ranting, and hope that good things come out of this.

A Day Shooting Cures All Problems - and a great GYN!

So, I spent my entire morning pretending not to stress out, but hovering around the phone waiting for the doctor to call.  This is no way to live!  Ken and I had plans to go shooting with our friend, Julia.  She had purchased a new shotgun and wanted to test it.  Given that she had a shotgun, we thought it would be best to go to the BLM land rather than the Gun Club so we could set up cans and milk jugs and blow them up.


Because I had been sitting on pins and needles, I was going to stay home and sit near the phone since my doctor never leaves information on voicemail, and I had no desire to get a call with no info.   Ken suggested that I send a message to my gynecologist (I know, gross stuff, but this is an important man in my life right now).  I have been upset because as much as I love the care that I get at the VA, I am stuck with Dr. Blee who doesn't really listen to me.  I'm pretty sure it's the fact that he's older, therefore women are not as smart as men, as well as the fact that he is hard of hearing.  At any rate, him not listening to me about all of the different medications that I have taken over the last year was not sitting well.  Ken was being "selfish" and wanted me to go shooting with him,


I sent the message to Dr. Eby (anyone in the Loma Linda area who uses the medical center and needs a GYN should request him!!!!).   As a side story - I spent the last two years in extreme pain.  I would double-over and black out almost every month, and it was getting worse.  Some doctors told me the pain was in my head and one doctor actually said that she thought I was faking it to get attention.  Turns out, that there's a major problem with my uterus which was found by Dr. Eby, and now I'm working with him to schedule a partial hysterectomy in July.  The Lupron shot has been great - pain or monthly visitor, but the hot flashes suck from the chemical menopause.  


OK, so I also call my father-in-law who works in a path lab in Buffalo.  He said that the high levels are mostly likely from all the Tylenol and Advil that I took for the last year (remember me talking about the severe pain?), and not to lose sleep over it.  He, being my father-IN-LAW was concerned that Dr. Blee was running tests for Hepatitis, HIV and other disturbing tests, so I had to reassure him that all of those tests came back NEGATIVE during my three pregnancies, so if anything's happened in the last year (because last year's test was totally normal), then we should sit down and talk to Ken.   I was laughing, but he was uncomfortable with the entire conversation since um, sex was involved.  Hahahahahaha! 


I decided to go with Ken and Julia to blow shit up.  I agreed that it would be the best antidote for stress.  We had almost gotten to our spot when I got a call from Dr. Eby.  (Remember, he's the BEST!)


Dr. Eby had received my email and left Loma Linda University Hospital, and went to the VA in order to look at my test results.  By the way, here's what I have been dealing with:

Alkaline Phosphatase:  178      Norm:  38-126

ALC  56   Norm:   9-52

AST  37  Norm:  14-36

Dr. Eby makes a joke about how Dr. Blee was stressing me out, and it is probably for nothing. He said that the other tests couldn't hurt because it would be good for the VA to have those negative reports in my permanent file, but given some answers I gave him about pain behind my ribs after eating, etc., he was going to order an ultrasound to check my gall bladder.  He told me not to stress out because he would think that the high liver panel had more to do with my consumption of Tylenol rather than anything else, but he would feel better knowing if there was a gall stone involved which would cause the numbers to do that.  

Ahhhhhhhhh!  Taking a deep breath now!

He laughed and asked if I felt better, and I couldn't say YES fast enough.  He knows that I don't want something to stop my surgery in July (we're trying to get my problem out of my body before the shot wears off), and he knows that there's nothing to really worry about, but he just wants to be sure.  

So, with my new found relaxing going on, Ken, Julia and I proceed to set up some innocent milk jugs full of water and soda cans, and we blow them up!  It was awesome!  Ken and I took almost every pistol we had, and Julia used her pretty new shotgun.  My .357 was just as powerful when it came to watching the jugs blow up!  

The Rockstar can drove us insane!  We spent 30 minutes working to get it knocked off the tree.  After a while, we were shooting it, but it already had holes in it, so the bullets were going through the holes.  I almost knocked it off, but it took a shotgun blast to get it off the tree.

Once we were done, we sat back and looked at the aftermath of our fun time.  It took a while to clean up (we had to pick up all the brass & hulls for Ken's reloading) as well as the destroyed objects, but it was great fun.  Ken had found a piece of metal sheeting, so it was awesome for us to shoot at it and hear the "plink"!  We did most of our shooting at 25 - 30 yards, and we all turned into little kids seeing the water explode and hearing "plink."

Ken and I spent the rest of the night cleaning.  Ugh!  I love my .357 stainless 6" revolver, but getting the powder residue off that thing is a BITCH!  I spent 2 1/2 hours working on it, and I still didn't have all of the lead out of the cylinders.

After we finally got done (Ken did clean 4 pistols to my 2, but I had the revolver!), we went to grab a bite to eat sans kids.  When we got home, we enjoyed a cigar on the back porch with a fire since the weather is still cold for April.  

It's nice not to be so stressed out!!  I'm going to head down to the VA tomorrow for the ultrasound so I can see if that confirms my problem or rules out one more thing.

Bad test results = a Night Out

I spent a good portion of yesterday at the VA Loma Linda. It was time for Ken to have his MRI so we can see if the treatment is still "working" with his brain cancer, and I had my regular check up.

Ken got his MRI read immediately because he is a "Priority Level 1" and he needed the images read and put on disk to take to UCLA.  We were so thrilled to see the Radiologist's report stating that there has been no change in the tumor since it was first diagnosed in October 2008.  

We went through the normal conversation with my doctor.  I remember telling Ken that I didn't want to "bother" with completing the paperwork to join into the VA system, but Ken persisted and I have always been glad that he did.  The VA has taken great care of me when I spent years with HMOs and PPOs trying to get healthy.  I always know that I'm in the CITI program because of his 100% status, but it's still nice to have someone listen to me.

Well, my doctor is supposed to listen, but he tends to not listen to me - partly because he is going deaf and partly because I am female.  Dr. Blee does a great job listening to Ken, but I take it in stride.  Dr. Blee was an Army medic in Korea and Vietnam, but he will work with me so long as what I want comes from Ken.  He ordered my annual blood test, told me that he would call if there was a problem, and I went to the 4th Floor to have my blood drawn.  

This morning, I realized that I missed a call after making coffee.  I had a message from Dr. Blee stating that he wanted to talk to me about my blood test.  I instantly went into panic mode and spent the next three hours calling Dr. Blee's extension every 1/2 hour only to hear the phone ring and ring and ring.  

At noon, I finally heard from my doctor.  The first thing he asks me is if I drink.  I explain that I'll have maybe a glass of wine, but it's not nightly.  He then starts talking about how there was an "abnormality" with my liver, and he wants me to get back down there in order to do another blood test in order to check the results as well as get tested for hepatitis and "other things."  I do everything I can at this point to keep myself together, and I promise him that I will get down there for the blood draw.

Ken and I both jump into the shower quickly and then made the 45 minute trip to the VA.  I go straight to the lab, where the phlebotomist who drew my number again is surprised to see me back.  When the staff initially checked me in, she printed out the labels for the vials, and the printing went on and on and on.  I wasn't sure if I was going to have blood left in my body when they were done.  Ken asked if I would get orange juice and cookies when she was done, and while she said no, she was laughing and I tried to relax.

After my blood was drawn, I went to speak to my doctor about what the hell is going on.  Again, the first thing he asks me is if I drink alcohol.  I repeat - again - that I rarely drink and that it's always in moderation.  Dr. Blee said that he was happy with that and reminds me that red wine is good for me.  He tells me that he thinks there was simply a mistake with my labs because I'm too young for such a bad report.  He shows me the report and my numbers are BAD.  The doctor tells me that he is re-running the three panels as well as "other tests" with the hope that the three panels will be fine tomorrow, but then there's other test results in case they aren't.  He reassures me that he will call me as soon as the results are in, and worst case scenario - he'll order a CT scan of my liver and pancreas.

I left the VA really trying to wrap my head around all of this.  Ken is trying to lift my spirits as best as he can, but even I cannot seem to find humor in this.  We spent the last 18 months working to keep Ken with us after learning his cancer has returned, only to face the possibility that I could be the one who gets sick.

Throughout the drive home, I try to get myself in check - I have been on a LOT of medication over the last year while the doctors tried to figure out what was wrong with me (thank goodness for the hysterectomy this July!), and I know that I have taken way too much Tylenol and Advil during the last year because of all of the pain but the need to keep going through each day.  

Halfway home, I decide that I want to pick the girls up from school and have all of us go out for supper.  It's a real treat for them, but now I'm facing the fact that life can/is short!  Ken has always kept me in check - reminding me that we need to enjoy each day and take life as it comes.  But today, I have way too many things going through my mind and heart.

What if????  Those are always horrible words.  What would happen to the girls?  Their dad would not only screw them up, but he would forbid Ken from seeing them.  Why couldn't I....?  Another really bad question to start asking yourself when there is no possible way of knowing what is wrong.  

Not having an answer is so much worse than the question.  So, why did I have this bad panel of tests?  What does it mean?  What are the possibilities for me?

There are so many times that I wished I could have been a better person, and it is this phone call from my doctor that has put everything into check for me - while I wanted to do things differently, I am the person I am.

I have always wanted to be the pretty, feminine, head-turning girl.  That hasn't been me.  I am forever a Tomboy who looks good in a dress but prefers jeans and T-shirts.  I have always wanted to be "proper" and "acceptable," but the real me is a foul-mouthed, sarcastic person who likes to laugh at life and tell things like they are while still being sensitive to others.  I have always wanted to be the mom who puts her daughters' hair in pretty curls, makes the best meals, and takes the extra time to put wonderful baked creations together.  Well, that's just not me either.  I would rather buy the cute things and spend time with the girls doing other things - like camping, traveling, etc.  I can never get excited about expensive perfume because the smell of gun oil is still the best smell to me - well, other than a freshly bathed baby!  But seriously, the smell of gun oil gets me all bothered. Ken knows this and loves me for it.  

So, we take the girls out to their favorite local restaurant.  We eat all of our meals together normally at home, but going out to eat - especially on a school night was a huge treat.  They have no idea what I'm going through on the inside: preparing for a battle that I hope won't ever have to happen but realizing that I'm ready to fight whatever may be wrong with me.  

The girls, not knowing that I'm falling apart inside, have NO desire to take a picture at the table, so this is what I get when I ask for them to sit together for me:

AWESOME!  I have to admit this was a really cool shot.  After a little while, the girls start to relax, but Jordan is the only one telling me to take pictures of her.  Ever the camera ham, she poses and has a great time:

Yes, she wants me to take a picture of how her hair was done today by some really cool lady that knows how to do a little girl's hair.  Make note of the irony here!


Then, Jordan wants a picture with her bestest Daddy:

She was pulling on Ken's face so hard to kiss him that he actually had to grimace in order to smile.


By the end of the night out, the girls were tired and very happy.  I finally got a big wake-up slap across the proverbial face to remember that every day is good and not to nag my children to death and to enjoy them.  As always, I looked into the face of my Love, Ken, and saw how much he loves me and cares for me.


Knowing that stress takes time off your life made it easier to push the nasty thoughts of the day behind me.  I know that I will be anxious until I hear from the doctor.  Fear of the unknown is worse than anything else.  Whatever is dealt to me will be handled, but I seriously crave to be told that it was just a mistake.


In the meantime, I have kissed my girls goodnight and tucked them into bed, and I will now allow Ken to end his "suffering" - that being that I will head back to our room and snuggle with him rather than venting to the cyber world about my concerns.  


October 2008 saw us dealing with one "wake-up" call from a doctor and we have now had another one.  I'm not sure what Ken and I are meant to do with our lives, but we were meant to handle it together and prepare our girls for something great with our example.  


Here's hoping for a better phone call tomorrow secure in the knowledge of who I am and that I am pretty cool.