Saying Goodbye

This morning was the viewing and service for Ken's grandmother. I was emotional and grieving for her, but it was harder for me to watch Ken go through his grief. My heart ached for him, and I was unable to ease his pain.

Ken's mother made the funeral about her, so that was harder for everyone. Her pastor officiated and it was a sermon rather than a celebration of Alieen. Sadly, he couldn't get her name right most of the time either.

Despite that, I am very glad that we took the time and money to travel here. Ken needed to say goodbye. He loved his grandmother so very much.

We started the morning by walking to Mary's for breakfast. I couldn't believe the difference in Akron in the winter, and I loved the pictures I took from Mike's windows.

The walk through the park was different, and I am happy to report that I didn't slip in the ice once during our trip. Dad and Samantha told me that the temperature had been only 6*F the day before, but the weather stayed between the 20's and 30s for our visit. I was having a difficult time adjusting to wearing layers - long johns are a pain in the butt after a few days. Ugh!

It was difficult to prepare ourselves for tolerating Ken's mother, Diane, and her church people as I said. I chose not to write much while we were in Akron, but now that I'm home, I can get all of the pictures uploaded and discuss our thoughts and feelings. 

Dad had mentioned how much he hates Diane's pastor, who now must have you refer to him as Pastor John since his elevation to demigod status. Whatever. Most of the people in attendance were from Diane's church rather than those who knew Alieen. I couldn't believe the information that was printed - the Obituary at the funeral home and in the local paper. You could tell this was all about Diane: there was no mention of her brother or his family at all, there was no mention of Ken or his sisters other than "grandchildren", etc. The pastor, P.J. (as he used to be known) did all of the talking throughout the "service."

For a funeral, this was a lot like a church sermon. As much as I had heard that P.J. was a pompous ass (and he is), I found him more to be narcissistic. He just can't help himself. There were times that he tried to make the funeral personal and bring in family information, but he just had to go back to preaching and talking about his church and their pedagogy. Sadly, there was very little about Alieen and her life, but Ken was grateful to be there. I was glad that there was no circus show about the demons, etc., but at the same time, I was sorry to have missed it all.  Apparently, the people can control when they have to deal with those little buggers. (http://abcnews.go.com/Health/casting-demons-expelling-demons-mucus-saliva-ny-church/story?id=14075667). I was most upset by the fact that P.J. couldn't get Grandma's name right when he was talking about her. She was Eileen, Elaine and Ellen, but only once was she Alieen.  Ugh. 

Ken couldn't help himself - he cried a lot. He tried so hard to contain himself, but it was too difficult. He lived with his grandparents for 5 years, and he loved them so very much. We know that Grandma was done - she was just shy of 96, but death is so difficult for the living. No matter how bad Alieen got, she always knew when her Kenny walked into the room. She adored him and spoiled him wonderfully. I always loved how her face would light up when she saw him. There were times she couldn't remember anyone else, but she always knew her Kenny.

It was also difficult for me to see Betsy go through so much pain. Betsy is Alieen's foster daughter and she has Down Syndrome. She kept crying and saying that she was here to bury her mommy. Oh, that was so hard to hear. I was so glad to finally meet her, but I hated the circumstances. We got some great pictures with her, and she was totally sweet and made sure that I had her address before we left. I had no doubt that Diane wouldn't help me with that since I had never had it before, but Betsy and her caregiver, Jen, took care of it.

I ran interference between Ken and Diane after the services. He wanted the plaque back that he gave Grandma during his time in Boot Camp of her favorite bible verse. Diane went straight over to it and told me that she wanted to give it to him. I assured her that I would give it back to him. She argued with me a couple times, but I finally got it from her.  There was a picture of Harold and Alieen that Ken wanted as well, and I finally convinced Diane to give it to me. P.J. ran interference on that one since Diane didn't want to part with her "favorite photo" and suggested that I could have a copy of it made while I was here and return the original to Diane. Well, of course I said that I could and once my hands were on the picture, I was walking out. Diane grabbed my arm and reminded me to make a copy of it, and I told her that I would get her the picture back as soon as I had Grandma's wedding set. She was shocked and removed her hand from my arm. It was a low-blow but effective. Ken was grateful for both the plaque and the photo.

We drove over to the Cemetery in Buffalo to say our final goodbyes. We were able to take pictures with Betsy and say goodbye to her. 

Ken didn't want to watch the internment, so we left and met Laura for lunch.

We went back into Clarence to Mazio's for some pizza and wings. We filled Laura in on the happenings at the funeral, and she expressed her opinion about her mother and that church. Of course, none of us children are able to figure out why Dad stays, but that's just how it is.

I was amazed at Ken's choice for dessert - fried dough. That's a new one even for me - someone who loves sweets. Fried Dough?? And everyone who heard we ordered it all day starting salivating about the idea. I was cool with a small piece, but it was just weird to me. I also loved capturing Dad's "I hate photos" face.

We spent the evening with Mike Donovan in his Pink Room. We enjoyed some bourbon and scotch with Chinese food. Sadly, we were only going to have the one night to hang out with Mike because of his work schedule, but he's such a great friend. We miss him and love him, and we loved being able to hang out with him for a night.

Dad joined us as well, and we chatted until late. When Dad was leaving, I noticed that there was a ton of the white stuff falling from the sky. Dad called it a flurry, but that was nothing like the little flurry that we get in our desert.