Busy, Busy, Busy

Ah, here I am trying to multi-task, and it's not going very well.  Last Thursday, Ken met with his neurosurgeon, and "failed" his exam.  While Ken has struggled with some left-side weakness and nerve pain for the last few years, the medication is no longer controlling it which concerned the doctor, but there was also the added "fail" during the exam where there is a tremor in Ken's ocular nerves.  Everyone's first thought was that the cancer had started spreading quickly, and when Ken called me to inform me of the doctor's visit, I began to cry.


Now, you need to understand that I had stayed home to get work done with CAVA, and also because Ken was picking up his father from the airport later that night, so I needed to be at home to pick up the girls from school.  And when I say I started to cry - it was in the front office of the girls' school while I waited for them to arrive to go home.  It took every ounce of strength that I had to get myself under control because the last thing I wanted to do was concern the girls.  Ken and I said that we would talk about it when he arrived home and make decisions.


Of course, the first thing that came to my mind was that the cancer had suddenly spread.  His last MRI showed no change, so this would be something fast-growing and a major concern.  The girls and I managed to enjoy a quiet evening and they got to bed despite their excitement that Grandpa was coming from New York.


Now, the irony here is that Ken's dad was coming out for a week of fun.  Uncle Bobby has been in the Palm Springs area since January, and Ken hadn't seen his uncle since 1995.  His father, Ken, hadn't seen his brother in about 12 years.  So, Ken (aka Dad) decided to seize the moment and come to California not only to see his brother but to spend some time with his son and family.  Unfortunately, there was now a small crisis in our house.  


We managed to get through the weekend and wait for Ken's MRI on Monday for which we had to wait until Tuesday for the results.  So, I did no posting and was barely breathing for 5 days.  By Monday, I was a complete wreck.  I have always known that there is a very good chance that I can lose Ken far sooner than I want, but I was again reminded of how precious he is to me, and there is no way that I will be able to breathe fully without him in my life.  


Luckily, on Tuesday, we received the results which shows that the cancer has remained "unchanged."  Oh my god, holy crap - totally began breathing again!!!   So, today, I am fully catching up on my work - it wasn't like I didn't work at all during those days, but I was more like a phantom than an actual employee.  I wasn't as dedicated as I usually am, so I wanted to make sure that I didn't miss anything important and I got on top of some students' reports.  


Today, Ken and Dad took off for Joshua Tree.  Dad had a difficult time believing that there is an oasis there in the middle of the desert and then they went to check out the Marine Base at 29 Palms.  Dad had never seen where Ken was stationed.  


Addie kept me company while I worked.  

As you can see, Addie has no issues just hanging out with me.  She was completely devastated that Ken left without her, and she again sat by the door for about 20 minutes hoping he'd return.  She finally gave up her waiting and settled to head back to my office and she got comfortable and slept most of the day.  I loved when she slept under my chair and desk - she's a great foot warmer!


So, now that I'm back to myself, I will go through the hundreds of pictures that I've taken to get the blog updated and to get the pictures ready for Dad to take home.  


Oh - the next step for Ken is to go through an EMG which is an incredibly painful test to check and see if there is a problem with his nerves.  If there's nothing wrong with his nerves, then the doctors feel that his "problems" are a side-effect of the radiation treatment.  We'll see what happens.