Last night, Jordan asked Ken to carry her to bed again. Ken, still unable to completely resist The Jordan, picked her up and carried her into bed. As he was getting ready to lay her down, he pinched her butt. Jordan exclaimed, "Daddy! You know, when you were little and I would carry you to bed, I never pinched your butt! That's not fair."
Ken stopped for a minute and asked her how the heck she used to carry Ken to bed. Jordan said, "When you were a little boy, I would carry you. Now, you carry me so it's fair, but I never pinched your butt so you shouldn't pinch mine." After tucking the blankets around her, Ken came out to the kitchen and told me their discussion. Both of us were laughing about the stuff that she says.
Which lead us to talk about our favorite Jordan moments. Ken and I were discussing some of the funny things that Jordan has said over the years, and we checked and found that many of our favorite Jordanisms were not posted as they were said before the blog. So, we thought we would share some of our favorites for some Friday Funnies.
#1: How Jordan got her nickname of Fünf":
So, the girls did not like to listen. They still have issues, but I couldn't get them to stop screaming, laughing, etc. When Ken and I met, this would drive him insane as he had only boys and had never seen or heard the females cackle, chatter, and so on. I had tried to use the counting thing to help get their attention, but they ignored me. I even tried to only count to 3 thinking that would help, but it didn't. I then got a brilliant idea! People train dogs with German. They are short and are typically harsh sounding words. So, I began one day: Eins! Zwei! Drei! Vier! Fünf! This got the girls attention, but Jordan, being Jordan, would often push it to the limit. After hearing fünf, she would get a swat on her butt.
Apparently, I had not explained what I was doing or what the words meant well enough to Jordan. When Taylor and Mandy had asked, I explained that I was still counting, but that it was in a different language than English and it was German. Jordan, however, at 3 years old had not understood this. So, one day, we were over at Ken's house visiting, and Jordan got very angry at one of her sisters. She was so angry that she was stuttering, and Jordan was obviously trying to come up with a word that was horrible and would truly express how she felt. Jordan was standing in the middle of the room, with her face turning red and both of her fists clenched tightly as she screamed, "You!....You!...You fünf!" Jordan seriously thought that she had called her sister a horribly bad name and instantly looked at me with tears in her eyes because she thought she had used a cuss word and was going to get into trouble. I understood that she had attempted to cuss, but I had to sit her down and explain that she had just called her sister the number 5. Now, Jordan was upset that she hadn't used a harsh enough word for her sister.
#2: Being out of Jordan's mind
I still cannot remember how this one started. I believe it had to do with the fact that Ken would always tell Jordan that she was driving him out of his mind.
So, Ken and Jordan were goofing around one day, and Jordan exclaimed, "Are you out of my mind?!" Well, she understood part of what Ken was saying. Hahaha!
#3: Bedtime Ritual
Jordan has loved to wrap Ken around her little finger. She started this right after Ken and I began dating which was very smart on her part.
The first night after the girls and I had moved into Ken's house, Jordan asked Ken to tuck her into bed. Ken was completely unable to say no, so he picked her up and carried her to bed. I then heard her ask for hugs, which Ken readily gave her. Then, she kept going:
"Daddy, kisses!....Butterflies (fluttering eyelashes together).....Knuckles?!.......Wedgie?!...."
Wait, what?! I poked my head into her room to be sure that I heard her correctly, and Ken was already asking her if she really wanted a wedgie. Jordan replied, "I've got to have it all!" So, Ken gave her a wedgie and she went to sleep.
Jordan and Ken kept this up for a few months and then she decided that she really didn't like wedgies.
#4: Jordan understands the brain function - at Mandy's expense
Mandy was being a pill bug at the dining room table. This was in 2008, and Jordan was only 4 years old.
So, Mandy is at the table being a pill. She is upset about everything and will not work on her little attitude. Ken is doing everything he can to make her smile but to no avail.
Jordan then starts in. "I know! I'll take Mandy's brain to school for show and tell!"
I start to laugh and ask her how she plans to do that. Jordan replies, "I will cut her head open (drags her thumb across her forehead for the visual), and then I will pull out her brain. (Jordan then mimicks pulling out a brain with both hands while making slurping noise). And then, Mandy will have no thoughts all day!"
Ken and I exchange looks. I want to see if Jordan really understands what she's saying, so I ask her why Mandy won't have any thoughts. "Because I'll have her brain. Duh! And then, before bed, I'll put her brain back."
So I ask Jordan how she's going to put Mandy's head back together, and she starts making large circles with her right hand, "We'll just put duct tape all over!"
#5 Jordan manipulates her sister with harm
I have been seriously worried about Jordan since this moment, but it is still worth mentioning.
Taylor earned a pet hamster a while back. Her sisters will go into the cage and take the hamster out to play with it. I am so relieved to say that it is still alive and it has not been lost in the house.
However, this little pet tends to be a source of contention. Taylor was telling Jordan that she was not allowed to play with the hamster until "further notice." Jordan was angry and it was apparent that she was not going to let this one go. Jordan then wanted to start bossing her sister around, but Taylor was not listening to her.
Jordan made numerous attempts to take the hamster and play with it, and at one point, Taylor had to snatch it out of Jordan's hands and "save it." Jordan then screamed at Taylor, "If you don't start listening to me, I will kill your hamster! Like this!" And Jordan then proceeds to clench her hand into a fist as if squishing something.
Taylor ran down the hall to tell me what Jordan had threatened and was holding the hamster as though it's life was in peril. I looked at Jordan having seen the entire thing and asked her what the hell she was thinking and was she really going to kill an animal????
I am happy to report that the hamster is still alive and well. Taylor now jokes about, "I will kill your hamster. Like this!"
Holy crap!
#6: The way to deal with a sister - call 911
Halloween 2009, Jordan takes some of her candy into her room to eat it. Apparently, Mandy saw it and took some. Jordan came into our room screaming that her sister had stolen her candy, and she demanded that we punish Mandy for stealing her candy.
I asked Jordan if the stolen candy was in the bedroom or still in the kitchen where I had put it. She said that she had taken it in to her room. I judged that since she removed the candy from the kitchen where it belonged, then there was nothing I could do to Mandy for stealing it, but they were both in trouble for eating in their room.
About 30 minutes later, we had a knock at our front door. It was our local Sheriff's Department, and he informed us that there had been a hang-up 911 call from our house. Ken and I looked at each other, confused, and then we called the girls out.
Taylor and Mandy looked like deer in the headlights, but Jordan was lagging behind hoping that she wouldn't be noticed. We knew right away who had made the call. When confronted about calling 9-1-1, Jordan shouted, "But Mandy stole my candy and you wouldn't do nothing about it!" She then looked at the deputy, put one hand on her hip and the other pointed at Mandy and said, "You need to arrest her for stealing my candy. Stealing is WRONG!"
I have no idea how that deputy kept a straight face, but he did. He sat down with all three girls and went over the reasons why you should call 9-1-1, and how and why it is wrong to do it without an actual emergency. Jordan asked one more time if he would arrest her sister, and when he said no, again, she finally let it go. Ken and I thanked the deputy for his time, apologized that he had to come out in the first place, and then I asked if we were going to get a bill for his visit. The deputy smiled and chuckled at this point. He said he wouldn't file for us to get charged because he was going to tell this story for a while, and that would be payment enough.
Again, holy crap Jordan!
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