A great reminder

There are so many things in this world that have seemingly made the world a bit smaller. Technology links us all together such as the Internet. All of the world's information right at your fingertip along with all of the crap that, well, stupid people post. 


We have Facebook and Twitter which keeps everyone linked together - we can check in on our friends and see what they are up to, and we have bonds with some people we have never met. Have an interest? Well, then join a Facebook group and be around a great number of people you will never meet in person but every one of them like the same thing you do.


Then there's the Blogging world.  A place we can post things about our lives and thoughts, which - for me - no one ever seems to read, but it's still a great place for me to journal the lives of my family.

Now, there is a thing on the Internet called Pinterest.  (As you can see, it's even written more cutely than I could have done here.) I have not gone to this site.  I will NOT sign up for this site. The reason for this is simple. If I want to feel like a failure as a mother, a wife, as a woman, I simply have to watch television or read a Martha Stewart Magazine to discover all the ways that I am failing.  It's a really long list according to society: I'm not thin enough, I'm not craftly enough, I don't have everything uber-organized in such a cute way that it would not seem OCD.  Then there's the plethora of ideas for you to try! Nope, I have enough pressure to try new things thank you very much, so I will not be visiting Pinterest - EVER!  


I will admit that I have seen some pictures posted on Facebook, and I have been tempted to just click on them.  Oh yes, I am attracted to the Dark Side, but I have resisted the temptation.  


This morning, this Blog article was going around Facebook:



Your Children Want YOU!
There's this crazy phenomenon going on right now. Good, devoted mothers get on Pinterest . . . .and blogs . . .. and Facebook . . . .and Twitter . . . and they're convinced they're not enough. Here's what I've discovered.

It's a little teaser to get you to read it, but it worked! I read this article and realized that #1 - I am NOT the only woman who goes through a daily/weekly/monthly identity crisis, and #2 - that I'm not just justifying my existence on a daily basis - I am really OK the way I am!

Here's the link to the blog, which will hopefully be there forever:

Power of Moms - Your Children Want You

There was even a cute picture of a Pinterest edible flower-thingy that went with the leader post. 


But, basically, we are who we are.  Holy shit, really? Isn't it great to get validation that you can't be anyone but who you really are??? I'm raising my daughters to believe in who they are, accept their limitations for what they are and not accept the expectations of society. Well, crap, why can't I do the same for myself?


There have been changes that I have made - I have decorated the house for almost every season with a cute picture based floral-type arrangement in the living room.  I have a great picture orientated shadowbox for each holiday/season that hangs between the living room and dining room for everyone to enjoy.  I made a family based calendar every year, and I'm learning to sew for crying out loud!  I want to have the "extras" so that my house is a "home" and where you can feel this family is connected from the moment you walk in the door.  I spend time cross-stitching in order to make special gifts for my children and friends.  


When Ken and I started dating, he told me that there was only one thing I was lacking on as a parent and that was spending more time with the girls.  I had been so used to working full-time outside the house, then going to school that by the time I got home, it was time to get the girls bathed and put to bed.  I didn't GET to spend time with them let alone know how to do it. The rest of my time was spent cleaning, doing laundry, and everything else since Lord knows Jackass wouldn't do anything as the stay at home parent.  


Now, I have the time to do things.  I work from home, I'm attending the girls' events at school and after school, we have a designated Family Day where we just spend the time together.  Just eating supper together every night makes a difference - my girls brag to their friends about it at school! I cannot believe how many parents cannot or just choose to not participate in their children's lives.  Then, I remember how detached my own parents were, and I remember how I would just hope that they would show up - just once.  


Being there and being involved is all they want.  I really am the best I can be and the best mom for them.  I make a TON of mistakes on a daily basis, but it's all going to work out - even if I have to pay for their therapists.  Haha!

Life...Much Like a Roller Coaster

Frustration is the current word in this house.  Ken and I are frustrated with my recovery - while it's going much better than planned, it's still taking forever and we have no patience...especially since all "adult activities" are on hold.  Really?  For crying out loud!  Ken and I have already had to deal with 2 1/2 weeks of...well...nothing.  I still remember how amazing it was after 5 days that I could finally get into bed and just cuddle up next to Ken. Oh!  It was pure bliss to be able to hold him and to be held by him.   While that's still completely amazing, I want more.  Yes, I am just not happy with what I have - I always want more.  (I will still claim to NOT know where Jordan gets it from!).  So, we have to wait another 4 weeks and then see if the doctor gives the OK.   I have pain on my side keeping me in check, but poor Ken is having to go this on his own.  


Ugh!  So, there's one aspect of life.  I have the perfect man who is quite perfect for me, and there's no way for me to enjoy him or to bond with him other than hand holding and talking.  Then, there's the stupid extra 5 weeks of summer break for the girls.  If I had not mentioned this before, I really liked the "modified traditional" schedule that our local school district had.  It was soooo nice!  School started the first Monday in August, then there was a 2 week Fall Break the last week of September and the First week of October, then 3 weeks of Winter Break, 2 weeks of Spring Break, and then school was out the 2nd week of June.  There were the additional 3-day and 4-day weekends, of course, and it was a SHORT SUMMER.  This kept the girls from the "I'm so bored" and the fighting issues not to mention the educational benefits:  there wasn't enough time to forget everything they had learned!


But, when I received my official notice of the new, Board approved schedule for the 2010/2011 school year, I really started to scream.  I mean, really?  They had the modified schedule because they knew it would be better for the children.  Then, my anger got directed at our wonderful State of California who couldn't balance a budget or a checking account if a gun were held at all of the politicians heads.  I mean, seriously.  What the fuck?!  There was a section of the movie, "Dave" where Kevin Kline's character calls in his accountant friend to help out with balancing the budget.  The friend makes the statement, "If I ran my business like the government runs its business, I'd be out of business."  That's sooo true!  So, the California Department of Education has had it's budget slashed, what, 14 times in the last 3 years.  It's just our future at stake.  Who cares if California children cannot properly read and write when they graduate from high school?  On top of that, how the hell am I supposed to handle having three girls at home - bored because their Mama had already schedule surgery??


OK, so breathing now.  In the midst of the chaos, however, comes moments of clarity.  Just like when you ride a roller coaster - there are the hair-pin turns, the high force drops and then a little calm before the next turn.  


Jordan was in my office.  She had had a major temper tantrum and then fell asleep as I posted yesterday.  When she woke up, she found the photo frames that I kept in my office.  With her picture from Kindergarten was a little picture of me when I was in Kinder.  She looked at it, and then asked why there was a picture of Taylor with her picture.  I giggled because it was another reminder that Taylor is my clone, and I couldn't wait to see and hear Jordan's opinion when she made the realization.  I told her that the little picture was me when I was 5-years-old.  


For a while, Jordan was really quiet. Then, she quietly came over to me, hugged me and told me that she wished she could go back to when I was a "small child" and be my sister.  I laughed, initially, and I mentioned that I see how she treats her sisters, and I wouldn't want to fight like that.  Then, Jordan said, "If we had been sisters, we would never fight Mama.  You're too pretty and too wonderful."  Awwwww.   How sweet?  And damn it!  I was still trying to be angry with her for the temper tantrum that she had thrown.  


Taylor and Mandy found themselves going to bed early.  I have no idea what has possessed my children, but they have completely lost their minds.  I'm sure other people are going through this with their own children, but my girls seriously do not feel that they have to listen to our rules, follow our rules, and it really doesn't matter to them that Ken and I have lost our tempers.


So, Jordan was the only one awake for the movie night.  She had to forgo pizza and candy because she had been a pill bug, but she got to watch a movie with me.  I was totally excited when I saw that Julie & Julia was newly released on Netflix, and I hurriedly turned it on.  Ken joined me about halfway through the movie and he was content in watching a "Chick Flick" if it meant cuddling with me.  Jordan, didn't care about the movie, but she had fun pretending that she was Julia Child and was running around the kitche, "Bon Apetite!"   However, when the movie ended, I was really, truly pissed!  What do you mean that Julie never got to meet Julia?  Again - what the fuck?!  Even today, I am still angered by the outcome of the story.  I realize that this was true life and sometimes life sucks, but I really needed an uplifting movie last night, and I didn't get it.  OK, so I really enjoyed the movie, and I found myself really jealous of Julie Powell's limelight, but still - Julia Child couldn't get over herself??







As stated, I was jealous at hearing how another person had a blog and became somebody.  Granted, I didn't know who Julie Powell was until I saw the movie, but as she said, "I have thoughts!"  When you Google my name, the only thing that comes up in my Facebook page.  OK, there's some really funny stuff, and it's my life in a nutshell, but it's still not who I am.  These postings into the cosmic unknown is more of who I am.  I take the time to tell you what is going on in my life, and I hope that I bring you some humor.  For crying out loud, when you put my name into the Wikipedia search, this is what you get:

Search results

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

• Content pages
• Multimedia
• Help and Project pages
• Everything
• Advanced

There were no results matching the query.

I guess it's a basic human need - understanding and recognition.  For many, that's why we procreate - to continue our legacy and have us be remembered for our existence.  I know I've made a huge impact in my local area.  I take a little pride in knowing that I am the one recommended to parents and teachers for working with Special Education children and their needs - especially if you have to fight the system.  However, don't I rank high enough to be recognized by all?  


Well, apparently not.  For those who have met me and known me for a while, I am memorable.  To most, they are fun memories, and to some, I was a royal pain in the ass.  


I will end this post with another Jordanism.  After the movie was over last night, Ken and I told Jordan to go get her jammies on and get ready for bed.  She came into the living room holding her jammies and was dancing around in her panties.  I asked her what she was doing running around in only her panties, and when she realized that Ken was watching her, puzzled, she dropped behind the arm of the couch, but only low enough so we couldn't see her from the waist down.  I asked her what she was doing, and she replied, "I don't want Daddy to see my panties."  When I pointed out that we could see her boobs, Jordan replied, "It's OK to see my boobs, but no one can see my panties!"


Even while Ken and I enjoyed the beautiful summer evening on our patio, I couldn't stop giggling.  In Jordan's world, it's completely acceptable to see someone's boobs, but not their panties.  Hahahahaha!  Ken and I discussed many things as we enjoyed a beverage and a cigar, and we mostly enjoyed the cool breeze and the stars.  


I am apparently just a blip on the radar in the large picture of life, but in my little world, I am amazing.  So, to whomever actually looks at this blog, enjoy your weekend, and I hope that you are just as amazing in your section of Life's Picture.  If you have children, good luck with the rest of Summer Vacation.

Girlie but not so girlie & a public goal

Yesterday's post was about my realization that I am becoming "girlie."  As some pointed out, I would be characterized as well rounded since I bake, stitch, scrapbook, help Ken with workworking, and shoot pistols.  So, I feel better that I'm just enjoying more diverse interests than most.


Here's one more of the "girlie" things that I do:  cross-stitching.  My grandmother tried in vain to teach me to crochet, but all I could do was make the longest chain in history.  However, I learned to cross-stitch at camp one year, and I found that I was good at it.  I used to hide this talent until I learned that there are many male professional athletes who stitch to relax on the road. Most of the things that I have made over the years have been given away as gifts.  I have no way to know if they were kept, but the time that was taken to make them was extensive.  


I managed to make birth samplers for Taylor and Mandy, but Jordan's is still not finished.  Many things have gotten in the way of my stitching over the last few years (dealing with a divorce and all sorts of things).  I had lost a lot of my things to my parents and to my ex, so I had to start over, but I salvaged the frames for the girls.  Here's Taylor's birth sampler:

Jordan has finally figured out that she doesn't have one of these, so I have to get moving on hers.


The other "girlie" thing that I do is digital scrapbooking.  For anyone who has been in my house, you know that I have books and posters and prints all over the place.  The girls look forward to their birthday books that I will make, and I  can't seem to stop myself from sending cards to my friends.  


Now, I tried to do the traditional scrapbooking, but I have no imagination, nor do I have any talent nor patience.  However, I love the digital scrapbooking because other people make these wonderful things, and then I get to take them and make them my own.  Here's some of my creations:

www.digital-heirloom-storybooks.com

I love that the girls are making their own items, and I love that this site makes me look really good!

So, here's the deal.  I need to stay on top of my stitching projects.  I have a TON of magazines and leaflets:

There used to be a great stitching show that I would go to in Riverside (2002 & 2003) and then it stopped.  Bummer!  I used to find really great ideas and supplies there.  The binders that you are looking at hold 16 years of magazines and leaflets, and yet, I have not made very many items out of them, but I love the ideas.  

I also have a computer program that allows me to create my own stitching patterns.  I usually steal ideas from the magazines and then make my own "improvements."

Now, here's the section of my closet that has bags full of various projects: bookmarks, bread cloths, hand towels, afghans and other really cool things that I haven't gotten around to making. The last major purchase that was made was the Seasons of bell pulls by Ken for Mother's Day last year.  

There doesn't appear to be much in there, but the bags have a lot of small things in there.  I really love the Mill Hill packets, but the beading work is really time consuming and eye straining when there are Little People running around.

So, here's what I started stitching last May:

There was much more done, but I found that I made a mistake, so I've been busy ripping stitches out in order to correct it.  Not fun!

Here's what it's supposed to look like:

I have not yet figured out the sewing part of the whole thing, but I need to first get the stitching done.  

So, I'm hoping that you, my fabulous friends who check in now and then, will ask me how this project is going so that I can post that it's finished.

Now, as for being "girlie" I would still like to stick to "well-rounded" and not just about my figure.  I spend most of my days discussing and debating reloading numbers with Ken so we can get the best rounds to go shoot with at the range.  The fact that I know what I'm talking about means that I'm not "foo-foo."

Awesome!

Getting in touch with my feminine side!

For those of you who know me, it is hard to imagine me "girlie."  I have tried really hard to be more girlie, but it's just not a comfortable fit.  Typically, I don't worry about it, but there are times when it bothers me that I'm not.  


Here's an example:  The girls want their hair done up for their school photos.  I suck at doing hair.  The only reason mine looks good is because of my hair stylist who cuts it a certain way so that I don't have to worry about it.  Most days, I don't even blow-dry it into a style like I should, but it's still cute.  My girls are stuck with their Mama not having a clue about hair.


Another example:  I do NOT get most other women.  They will go on and on about some major dilemma, and all I can think is, "you're poor husband has to put up with you and your drama!"


Now, this is a major announcement for me, but I am finding that there are parts of being girlie that I actually like!   Very weird, and it is scaring me, but there it is.  I love going to the spa!  The pampering is amazing, and I love feeling totally relaxed after a massage.  Here is my favorite place so far:

http://www.kellysspa.com/

I will admit that I am on a mission to test every spa that I am near, so please feel free to send your suggestions.  I love that Kelly's is at the historic Mission Inn, that I do not have to wear a pink robe, that the smell of eucalyptus is everywhere, and I am treated like a princess.  I am fully aware that I pay for this treatment, but I will continue to lie to myself and say that I deserve it and the people there know it.  

Another discovery is that I love pedicures!  Oh my.  It is soooooo nice to sit there and have my feet massaged and the 20+ years of calluses scrubbed (OK, sanded) off.  Now, the last time I went, I specifically said "NO PINK!" but here's what I ended up with:

So I am now sporting flowers with a pink gem in the center.  While I'm not too hip on the pink gem, I like this look, and I love that the bottoms of my feet aren't taking layers of skin off of Ken during the night.  

I cannot get over my dislike of the color pink and all that it represents, but I am willing to deal with it in small doses.  

Another test of my girlie-ness is baking.  I love to cook, but then there are a lot of men who are professional chefs.  I, however, have perused the many different Mommy Blogs and have found that there are some really cool sites.  One that I have been enjoying is The Picky Palate.  I was referred to it from Pocket of Posies, and when I saw this recipe, I HAD to try making it:

http://picky-palate.com/2009/08/10/chocolate-fudge-jr-mint-centered-cupcakes/

There are some baking that I will NOT do, and it usually involves too much preparation.  I was surprised at how long it took to get these into the oven, but the results were AMAZING!

While I was spooning the really, really thick batter into the cupcake papers, Ken was talking to our friend Julia and telling her that I was getting in touch with my feminine side. I laughed, and he thought that he was in trouble, but I was already formulating the title for this blog.  Again, if preparation for baking takes more than 10 minutes, I will usually run out and buy it ready-made instead, but these were definitely worth the time.  There's Devil's Food cake mix, instant chocolate pudding, chocolate chips and Jr. Mints in these babies!  These are not foo-foo cupcakes - they are for serious chocolate lovers!

So, here's my pictures of this cupcake endeavor:

Here's the batter after I squished Jr. Mints into the middle

Out of the oven - obviously

icing and Jr. Mint decoration with Ken's help

Me with my creations!

Jordan loved them!

Taylor enjoyed them so much she wouldn't stop to pose for the camera

Of course, there's always Mandy who doesn't like to eat anything that we make at home.  The deal was, eat everything on your plate for a cupcake.  Here she is 45 minutes later:

So, I managed to get the cupcakes made AND I made supper without any help from Ken or my brother.  It was definitely a red-letter day in this house as I am not usually domestic.  BBQ chicken with Parmesan noodles and corn with a glass of Chardonnay and the cupcakes for dessert.

Thus ends my domestic, girlie day.  I had wanted to try getting some cross-stitching done (the one girlie thing that I have ever been able to learn in my life!), but I was too busy making sure that Jordan got her homework done.  I feel very proud of myself and will now finish chatting with some friends, returning some emails, and then finish the wine!  Awesome!

I am unshakeable

OK, so I've put in many hours to improve the look of my blog.  I've changed it to be seasonal in order to make it "fun", and I add the things that are going on within our household for people to read.  I understand my need to do these things; I am a Communicator.  It's what I do, and it goes beyond just that I'm a girl.  I have a real need to Communicate.  No matter how many times I take the little test, it's at the top:

Communication
Input
Achiever
Context
Restorative

So this is who I am.  Not a big deal, especially when you read the rest of the book and find out the best ways to make these things work.  

When you get into this, you find that for communication: 

You like to explain, to describe, to host, to speak in public, and to write. This is your Communication theme at work. Ideas are a dry beginning. Events are static. You feel a need to bring them to life, to energize them, to make them exciting and vivid. And so you turn events into stories and practice telling them. You take the dry idea and enliven it with images and examples and metaphors. You believe that most people have a very short attention span. They are bombarded by information, but very little of it survives. You want your information—whether an idea, an event, a product’s features and benefits, a discovery, or a lesson—to survive. You want to divert their attention toward you and then capture it, lock it in. This is what drives your hunt for the perfect phrase. This is what draws you toward dramatic words and powerful word combinations. This is why people like to listen to you. Your word pictures pique their interest, sharpen their world, and inspire them to act.

So, this explains why I do what I do - create websites or blogs to voice my information.  I have no problem describing the things that my girls do that are entertaining and sometimes sad (Taylor helping Mandy to cry because sometimes you just need help to get the tears out).  

What I was NOT aware of until recently is that there are soooo many people who are somehow making a living doing this.  There are too many "Mommy Blogs" to name.  I was trying to find other sites that would help me add some really great things to my blog, and I discovered that there are conventions for people who do this.  

And I thought it was just a really cool way for family and friends to stay in contact.

This is cyber-world, and according to my information, only 1 person is actually "following" what I write on here.  Of course, I know others comment on Facebook, but no actual communication takes place here.

I have no ambition to make this a new career.  I intend to continue with the simple life stories that Ken, the girls, and I create for ourselves for those of you who need a good giggle can peek at.  I will continue to list really cool sites that I find as well as add new things to the blog that I find are groovy, but in the meantime, I will continue with life.  

I will not participate in a Blogging Convention and I will continue to use my computer as an aversion to various things that I want to avoid - any household cleaning comes to mind as well as the arguing and fighting between the girls.  :)  Most importantly, this is just a 21st Century avenue to voice myself which is something that is apparently out of my control.  

* For the record, I learned about StrengthsQuest while completing my Human Development degree.  It was fascinating.  I have used the test for some of my special education students who truly felt that there was nothing special about them, and seeing their list of 5 things that stand out most about them was a great turning point for them.  I have taken this test 3 times:  once for the class, a second time when I was finishing my Master's Degree, and a 3rd time after my divorce.  It was amazing to me that I have not truly changed who I am within as well as a pretty cool feeling to know that no matter what impacts me from the outside will not alter me from within.

Rediscovery

Sunday, I went down to Long Beach in order to meet with a woman who could give me insight on a possible new career field.  I want to make sure that I'm sticking with my passion, but I have started on a self-reflection journey in order to redefine myself.


On the way down, I was amazed by the storm that I drove into and through.  It gave me great pause, and I managed to terrify a couple of passing motorists by taking out my camera and capturing these images.   I was happy to see the pictures came out well despite not using the view finder and just clicking.


These photos of nature's and God's wonders made it so much easier to meet with Carol and get some incredible information.  Self-reflection is a good thing, and I'm far more motivated to do it after seeing some incredible portraits provided by Nature.