Veteran's Day 11-11-11

Most everyone was preoccupied about the historical numbering of the day.  There was a rush for people to be married on this "lucky" day, and there was a very large to-do about the woman in Los Angeles who gave birth on 11-11-11 in room 1111 at 11:11 in the morning.  OK, very cool for her, and it will be cool for the birthday.  I always joke that Taylor has the extra digit in her birthday 9-19-99. 


However, this historic day also just "happened" to be Veteran's Day.  Yesterday was the Marine Corps Birthday (which by the way, my Love, I am still waiting to be taken to a Ball), and then the following day is always Veteran's Day.  No coincidence at all here.  So, we spent the day celebrating Ken, as we always do on Veteran's Day.  Much like his birthday, the day is about Ken.  What does he want to do?  Where does he want to go?  He gets to pick the menu for supper and the activities.

Ken joined the Corps in 1991, and he turned 20 during boot camp.  He went to Perris Island for training, and then was stationed at Twentynine Palms to Tanks.  For some reason, he spent his entire service at the one Base.  I have learned this is incredibly unusual, and after all the time we have spent at Pendleton, Ken said that if he had known how amazing it was there, he would have requested a transfer!


I have to assume that Ken was forced to stay at 29 Palms the entire time in order to meet me.  However, since we both got in our own ways a couple of times, it didn't happen back then.  While he left the service of his own volition, it wasn't really because he wanted to. There are so many times that I see the longing look on his face when we're visiting a Base.  He loved this life, and to his core - he is a Marine.  However, his headaches in 1997 were too severe for him to serve, so he decided to exit and hope for the best.


From July 1997 through December 1998, Ken suffered horrific headaches, and no one could figure them out.  The Naval Hospital in 29 Palms had no idea, and the private insurance he received from his job when he left the Corps could not figure out what was causing the headaches.  In December 1998, Ken finally saw a doctor who became alarmed at a check-up: the back of Ken's right eye was completely flat.  Further tests found a grapefruit sized tumor in his right ventricle, and surgery was immediate - within two weeks, the doctors surgically went through his frontal lobe (hoping they went in on the correct side since there wasn't time to test), and removed the tumor.


Ken was with his previous wife during this ordeal, and I cannot imagine his recovery with such a lack of help.  He was not expected to walk, talk or drive again ever.  The cancer was determined to be "Service Connected" meaning that the origins of the cancer were from something he was exposed to during his service.  He receives a medical retirement from the Corps, and he is doing all he can to have the quality of life that he wants and needs.  


In 2007, apparently Ken and I finally got out of our own ways, and we met.  He was completely perfect in every way, but the cancer returned in 2008.  Well, it may be that the cancer was already back, but just undetected, but it was found in 2008.  We were engaged to be married, and so we pushed the wedding way up - we held our wedding in 6 weeks from the date we learned about his cancer returning.  


The immediate diagnosis was not kind - Ken would not live to see our first wedding anniversary.  I cannot explain how I felt at that moment, but devastated does not begin to describe my feelings.  After more doctors and ideas, he settled on a treatment plan, we were married, and then he started treatment.


Working with the Veteran's Administration has been a new experience for me.  There are many rules and a lot of waiting, but they have been amazing for Ken and I will never complain.  I faced the idea that I would never receive benefits as Ken's "wife" or "widow" because there was a chance we would not make the one year requirement of the VA or US Military.  I didn't care, but Ken did all he could to ensure that if he couldn't make the requirement for me, that he could drag things out so the girls and I would be taken care of as much as possible (1/3 of his income isn't much, but he felt it would be better than nothing.)


Now, this incredible man has told me that even if he was told he would get brain cancer if he enlisted, he would sign the papers again.  He is the epitome of "Once a Marine, Always a Marine."  There is a special calling for those that serve in the Corps.  I do not often tell the other Corps wives that I am Ken's "after-wife" because they are going through their own ordeals about having their husbands serve and go through deployments while I did not have to personally deal with that.  Ken served in the First Gulf War and so spent his entire military service in one desert or another.  


So, on such a Historic Day, how did we spend it?   Honoring our own Veteran.  The motto that is painted at our local VA Hospital is "All gave Some and Some gave All."  Ken will one day give his All, and it is not a day I look forward to.  I am grateful that I am able to keep him each day, and each day is such a gift to me.  To finally know unconditional love, and to have someone who is completely my partner in every respect is an amazing gift that he gives to me freely and with such love.


The girls and I spent the day doing our normal and mundane things.  Ken was gracious enough to brave the mall so I could pick up some things that I needed, and so I could get the girls' picture with Santa.  (Yes, I know - it's not even Thanksgiving yet, but the plan I had for a storybook required the picture and JA won't give me any of the pictures with Santa when they were younger.)

But the best part of the day was that I was able to get all three of Ken's sons in the house at the same time, and they stayed for our Friday Family Night.  Sean made plans with us, but he was going to only stay for a little bit during the day, Brian wanted to stay in the evening, and we had no idea if Justin was going to hang out with us or not since we rarely hear from him anymore.  Well, everything came into alignment that morning, and I was able to get the boys to stay until late evening and hang out with us for pizza and Blackout Night.  We turned off all technology and lights, and played cards by lantern and candle light.  Brian played the piano for us for a while and we were able to be the blended family that we are.  Of course, Addie refused to take "no" for an answer and had to be in the picture with her "Daddy" as well.

The evening was perfect as far as we were concerned.  There were many emails that we received reminding everyone of the "reason" for Veteran's Day: most of the slideshows and videos resulted in Ken and I crying over images of widows being honored for their husbands' sacrifice, etc., which caused me to hang on to Ken tighter.  The boys remember their father being in uniform which is something the girls do not have, but we all realize what his service to our Country has cost him, and what it will ultimately cost each of us - his life.  I do not relish the idea that Ken will soon have to pay on his blank check he wrote the United States when he enlisted, but until then, I adore each day that I have with him and the amazing effect he has on our family and everyone around him.  


Thank you to all Veterans who have given so much to our County - those past, present and future.  Most of all, thank you, my Love for all that you have given and for what you will give.  I love you, and each day is such a gift.  Thank you for letting us spoil you a little bit on a special day that has been set aside to honor who you are and what you have done for your family and your Country!